FROM APR NEWS IN QUINDARO, I'M ALAN PLACE.
MONDAY MARKED THE TWELFTH DAY SINCE THE YULE GOAT IN FRONT OF QUINDARO HALL WAS DESTROYED BY FIRE. TRADITION ON THE TWELFTH NIGHT OF GÄLVE GOAT SEASON IS THE ROLE REVERSAL BETWEEN THE PARLIAMENT AND THE AMAZON LEAGUE. THE AMAZONS TOOK OVER THE FRACTIONAL PARLIAMENT, WHILE MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT WORKED THE FRONT LINES IN MILHOUS OBLAST... AND AS REPRESENTATIVES OF THE ALANLAND TOURISM BOARD.
AS IS CUSTOM, THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE FOR THE DAY IS REFERRED TO AS THE GRAND JENNY OF ALANLAND. THIS YEAR'S GRAND JENNY IS JENNY CORCORAN... THIRD COUSIN OF THE GRAND ALAN. THE OFFICE OF THE GRAND ALAN COULD NEITHER CONFIRM OR DENY THAT THE GRAND ALAN HAD TAKEN HIS COUSIN'S USUSAL ROLE IN THE ALANLAND TOURISM BOARD'S CALL CENTER.
THE AMAZONS MADE QUICK WORK OF THE NEW SPEED LIMIT BILL. THE BILL... AS SUBMITTED TO THE GRAND JENNY... RAISES THE SPEED LIMIT FOR CARS, TRUCKS, AND GOATS FROM 1.00 x 10-7c TO 1.13 x 10-7c. THE SPEED OF LIGHT IN ALANLAND REMAINS AT 1c... WHILE TACHYONS ARE NOW PERMITTED TO GO AS FAST AS 1.15c.
THE GRAND JENNY (file tape): "There were some in the Fractional Parliament who had the Colfaxian idea that they could change the speed of light. Those members need to be reminded that light does not slow down, nor does it spped up, for anyone."
SPEED REGULATORS ON EXISTING TRAVEL VEHICLES MAY BE ADJUSTED AT ANY AlanDOT APPROVED SERVICE CENTER.
ALANLAND UNIVERSITY QUARTERBACK ALAN DANIELS AND AMAZONIA UNIVERSITY QUARTERBACK JENNY JACOBS OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT THEY ARE A COUPLE. INTIMATE RELATIONS BETWEEN THE ON-FIELD RIVALS HAD BEEN SUSPECTED AFTER DANIELS WAS REPORTEDLY SEEN WITH JACOBS BEHIND THE STADIUM AFTER THE ALANLAND-AMAZONIA GAME... AND SUBSEQUENTLY TREATED AT ALANLAND UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL FOR "MINOR" INJURIES. DANIELS CONFIRMED THAT THE INJURIES HE SUFFERED WERE THE RESULT OF INTIMATE RELATIONS.
THIS IS APR NEWS.
MONDAY MARKED THE TWELFTH DAY SINCE THE YULE GOAT IN FRONT OF QUINDARO HALL WAS DESTROYED BY FIRE. TRADITION ON THE TWELFTH NIGHT OF GÄLVE GOAT SEASON IS THE ROLE REVERSAL BETWEEN THE PARLIAMENT AND THE AMAZON LEAGUE. THE AMAZONS TOOK OVER THE FRACTIONAL PARLIAMENT, WHILE MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT WORKED THE FRONT LINES IN MILHOUS OBLAST... AND AS REPRESENTATIVES OF THE ALANLAND TOURISM BOARD.
AS IS CUSTOM, THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE FOR THE DAY IS REFERRED TO AS THE GRAND JENNY OF ALANLAND. THIS YEAR'S GRAND JENNY IS JENNY CORCORAN... THIRD COUSIN OF THE GRAND ALAN. THE OFFICE OF THE GRAND ALAN COULD NEITHER CONFIRM OR DENY THAT THE GRAND ALAN HAD TAKEN HIS COUSIN'S USUSAL ROLE IN THE ALANLAND TOURISM BOARD'S CALL CENTER.
THE AMAZONS MADE QUICK WORK OF THE NEW SPEED LIMIT BILL. THE BILL... AS SUBMITTED TO THE GRAND JENNY... RAISES THE SPEED LIMIT FOR CARS, TRUCKS, AND GOATS FROM 1.00 x 10-7c TO 1.13 x 10-7c. THE SPEED OF LIGHT IN ALANLAND REMAINS AT 1c... WHILE TACHYONS ARE NOW PERMITTED TO GO AS FAST AS 1.15c.
THE GRAND JENNY (file tape): "There were some in the Fractional Parliament who had the Colfaxian idea that they could change the speed of light. Those members need to be reminded that light does not slow down, nor does it spped up, for anyone."
SPEED REGULATORS ON EXISTING TRAVEL VEHICLES MAY BE ADJUSTED AT ANY AlanDOT APPROVED SERVICE CENTER.
ALANLAND UNIVERSITY QUARTERBACK ALAN DANIELS AND AMAZONIA UNIVERSITY QUARTERBACK JENNY JACOBS OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT THEY ARE A COUPLE. INTIMATE RELATIONS BETWEEN THE ON-FIELD RIVALS HAD BEEN SUSPECTED AFTER DANIELS WAS REPORTEDLY SEEN WITH JACOBS BEHIND THE STADIUM AFTER THE ALANLAND-AMAZONIA GAME... AND SUBSEQUENTLY TREATED AT ALANLAND UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL FOR "MINOR" INJURIES. DANIELS CONFIRMED THAT THE INJURIES HE SUFFERED WERE THE RESULT OF INTIMATE RELATIONS.
THIS IS APR NEWS.
The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it.
