Holy sh*t, this is freaking hilarious!!!!!

[AFTT47]

It was not one of my prouder moments but I once took a crap in somone's yard. It was when I lived in the U.S. Territory of Guam in the Pacific. I was a SCUBA instructor at the time and I had just done the academics portion of a class aboard a U.S. Navy ship called the Cable. I had made the supreme mistake of getting a bite to eat at Taco Bell before the class. It was early evening when it ended and I headed home. On the way, the urge to relieve myself became so powerful, I pulled over and performed the act in a stand of trees in someone's front yard. The alternative was to shit myself in the car.

To this day, I don't know what the aftermath was. There was no call to the police as far as I know. This was at the edge of their property and boarded a wooded area so it's possible it went undiscovered.

This was in 1997. I have yet to eat at Taco Bell since.

I'm inferring you did not enjoy a clean pinch . . . .

I'm not sure what you are referring to here, possibly because of me not being of the same sexual preference as yourself. All I can say is that I pinched as hard as I humanly could. It eventually became evident that my butt cheek muscles were not the equal of my colon muscles and that I would have to make a difficult choice. I seriously didn't want to massively shit myself while driving my car so I baled out in the most rural area possible and gave into the inevitable. There was no enjoyment. There was only great relief. I'm glad I didn't shit myself and REALLY glad I wasn't discovered.