What will you do? (Ethical dilemma question)

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

If you don't tell, you're a lousy friend.

Boru

People aren't going to believe you, even the friend you are trying to help is not going to believe you. You will cause a lot of conflict, mistrust, drama and in the end probably look like a jealous bitter guy. It will damage your friendship whether you manage to convince your friend or not. Even if you win...you lose.

I think it comes down to whether you value your friend or your friendship. It's a small difference but it makes a huge difference in this situation. If you shut up you will maintain your friendship if you speak up you will damage the friendship but if you value your friendship basic decency dictate you have to speak up...and lose your friendship. I think it's one of those situations where even if you approach with good intentions the results aren't going to be favorable.

What does speaking up prove? It can prove that you're a good friend because you spoke up or it can prove that you're a bad friend because you didn't care enough to maintain the friendship.

Who is the better friend, The one that value the friend more or the friendship more?

Jaysus - have you ever even had a friend?

The scenario isn't about winning or losing anything.  It is about being honest with the people closest to you.  I would much rather take the risk of damaging a friendship by telling a mate some uncomfortable truth that may save him a lot of heartache down the road, than I would maintain a friendship by retreating into a lie of omission. 

There's a wonderful film called 'Appaloosa' with Ed Harris and Viggo Mortenson.  Ed Harris' girlfriend makes a pass at Viggo Mortenson, who later tells Harris about it.  Yes, yes, I know - films aren't real life, but the scene in which Mortenson comes clean kind of encapsulates your scenario and indicates that it is at least plausible to be painfully honest without damaging a friendship (that aside, I highly recommend the film).

Boru