Homecoming and a squirrel

[Joods]

I fucking hate squirrels.

Boru

Ahh yes... that story... 

My boss likes to open the front salon door to let a breeze through. Unfortunately, this invites various insects and now, a random squirrel, into our establishment for reasons known only to the squirrel. 

So today, this squirrel comes into the salon. At first I thought my boss sneezed and I was ready to give her the proper gesundheit, when she suddenly screamed "Squirrrel!"

Keep in mind that my boss comes from India and has a very heavy Indian accent...so you have to read her parts like that lol

Me: Crap! Where?!
Boss: By the window! We have to get it out of here!
Me: Use the broom!

By this time the stupid thing is trying to escape through a window that doesn't open. Said window is right next to the open door. 

Me: You're gonna kill it with that broom. Give it to me. (I leave my station and my daughter and walk over to the window, grabbing the broom from my boss)
Me: I'm gonna poke it with the broom to get it out of here. *Poke*

The squirrel jumps at me, I scream, jump back and hand the broom back to my boss.

Me: Here! I am so not dying today! 
Boss: OMG we have to get this thing out! What do we do?
Me: Call the police.
Boss: The police won't do anything.
Me: Sure they will. They can send an officer out here to get it. Or they can call Animal control. 
Boss: Are you sure? I don't think they will do it.

The boss screams again because now the squirrel has run from the front of the salon to the back room.

Boss: Oh My God!! Why me? We have to get this thing out of here! 
Me: Where did it go?
Boss: It's behind the refrigerator... I think it's dead.
Me: Yeah - it wouldn't have died this fast. 
Boss: Well I don't see it moving. Go look to see where it is. You open the back door and see if it will run out okay?
Me: Are you serious? Do you want me to die to day? 
Boss: Well it needs to go and it's behind the refrigerator. I think it's dead. Go look. 
Me: Ugh. Give me the broom. 

My kid is laughing this entire time. Mind you, I'm also not working on her hair because, well, squirrel. I go to the back room with the broom and start trying to move the college dorm sized fridge with the butt end of the broom.

Savannah: Mama? Is it dead? 
Me: Well I don't see it. 
Boss: You have to go to the back of the refrigerator. 
Me: I am NOT going back there. That thing just jumped at me five minutes ago! I'll just poke the fridge. Maybe I can scare it out. 
Boss: But you have to open the back door.
Me: I'm not walking past that fridge to open that door. No way. I wanna live! No rabid squirrel is gonna kill me today!

At this point, the squirrel pops his head out and I scream and run from the back room. 

Boss: What do I do?
Me: Call the damn cops. Just call 9-1-1. Just do it. 
Boss: Okay okay. What do I tell them? 
Me: Just tell them we have a squirrel in the salon that's running loose and we need help getting it out, can they send an officer?
Boss: Are you sure that's going to work because I do not think they will send them. 
Me: Kiran... please... for the love of all things natural... just call them!
Boss: Okay okay... *all panicky, she picks up the phone*

IANMTU. She then asks:

Boss. What's the number to 9-1-1?


Me: Really? Like for real?
Boss. Oh right. 9-1-1. 

Savannah is now laughing uncontrollably and I'm now back to trying to finish up her hair. 15 minutes later, I try to call Rob to find out what time he's getting off work and can he get here ASAP. No answer. Savannah then decided to spam his phone by repeatedly calling it. 

After a while, the Chinese man who owns the restaurant next door, comes over and my boss manages to talk him into getting the squirrel out of our salon. He does and all goes back to normal. I then suggest to my boss that she might wanna close the front door in case our spastic squirrel buddy tries to come back.