(November 12, 2017 at 11:21 pm)MysticKnight Wrote:(November 12, 2017 at 11:08 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: Why lost, for how long, and awaken from what?
I am lost because of lacking clarity on how to act because I depended on other than God for too long, as a result, good and evil became a mosh of grey as opposed to clearly defined.
Whatever I didn't know, I didn't consider worth knowing with respect to the path.
Sins I don't perceive the consequences of, I assumed there was not much.
Awakening slowly as I am beginning to reflect over how rebellious I have been towards my Lord, from a child till now, huge sins even as a child I will not get into, to disasters in teenage years, to orienting myself to dark whispers of a cursed power within me, to relying on Iblis dark spirit and illusions for too long, ungrateful when God blesses me, impatient when God tries me.
I took religion as a pastime, as some sort of game, took reflection over Quran as intellectual masturbation rather then heeding it's warnings and taking it seriously.
It's become more and more clear that I been lying to myself, I been masking myself as good while their is a dark nature within me, that has to be annihilated.
People assume I am good, because, of the deception I not only tricked them with, but even fooled myself for too long.
The onset of my illness has been one thing, I have been afraid to let go and ascend to something higher and noble. To comfortable with the illusionist Iblis feeding me an ego that is false but feels good.
I am starting to awaken slowly but surely, dosing myself with honesty here and there, in hope a sincere repentance will ensue sometime or another, with resolve to obey the True Master and King over us, as opposed to that delusional lie we call "I" which is really Iblis inspiring us with his spirit.
Cue self flagellation! That will make it all better!
