Messin' With Atheists

[Whateverist]

Atheism at its most basic has nothing to do with ruling out gods. It's about not ruling them in.

But Yahweh? The idiot that made the Universe in six days, man out of dust and woman out of a meatbone, who couldn't even find them when they were hiding behind a tree in the middle of the only habitable spot in existence? Whose kryptonite is anything made from iron? Yeah, we can be pretty certain that that bastard is purely - and poorly - fictional.

The kind of fiction most suited for a comic book.

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Atheism at its most basic has nothing to do with ruling out gods. It's about not ruling them in.

But Yahweh? The idiot that made the Universe in six days, man out of dust and woman out of a meatbone, who couldn't even find them when they were hiding behind a tree in the middle of the only habitable spot in existence? Whose kryptonite is anything made from iron? Yeah, we can be pretty certain that that bastard is purely - and poorly - fictional.

Man out of the immortal plant stem cells found in the dust as well as other ingredients scientifically proven. And the woman made from the multipotent stem cells of the rib bone which grows back if the surgeon leaves the sheath intact. Is that what you mean? Naaaa, you don't believe in science.

I'm gonna give you major props as a theist if you'll confess that you think God's creation was accomplished with materials at hand, that he didn't just blink them into existence whole cloth.  I won't agree with you of course but I will still award you an Evolution Merit Badge to acknowledge your growth toward more interesting personhood.  You are positioned to accommodate all of science, whatever may be revealed by astronomy and evolutionary science, right along side your god belief.  Well done.

For any other believers interested in receiving a merit badge for growth toward more interesting personhood, these are some of the other categories I've awarded in the past:

Basic Agnosticism Badge - conferred on those believers who admit their belief is based on faith in the face of a mystery, that the existence of God is not simply an obvious empirical fact.

The Advanced Agnostic Badge is awarded to those who go even further to admit they do not know whether God is out there in the cosmos or inside their own noggins, but wherever He may be they honor Him.

The Literary Badge - goes to those who hold the bible not as 'the revealed word of God' but just as one of a number of potentially enlightening holy books.  The bible was written by men inspired by their thoughts about God and coalescing around the legends of their time.  It needs to be read as allegory, not as a reference book.  Like our DNA it is filled with junk no one cares about but there are cherries here to be had.  No one who wins this badge will ever regard the bible as "God's marching orders" or as a "contract from God".  

The Poetic Afterlife Badge is awarded to those who realize heaven and hell are not literal and neither is any ever-ever land for one's personal collection of neuroses, grudges, likes and dislikes.  Eternal life is like that of a rain drop, separate for a while then returned to the river, the ocean and again the sky.  What is eternal is neither personal nor particular.  Life, the web of life that is, goes on but thankfully our pettiness does not.

*It should be noted that not all atheists are award winning interesting persons, nor have we all won all of these badges.  Atheism is a broad tent.  But belief makes these badges much harder to win.  Every time a believer wins one of these badges, an angel earns his wings (poetically speaking of course).