(March 31, 2018 at 12:13 am)AtlasS33 Wrote:(March 30, 2018 at 11:54 pm)J a c k Wrote: Everything changes me in some way or another, at one level or another. Experience and the accumulation of knowledge together help me evolve consistently.
-moving out of my parents’ bubble (what is this?! Me, facing the real world)
-the Bible Institute (what is this?! Me, facing a two month punishment in a small room. Long story)
-my first visit to a gay bar (So, I’m not the only one who likes that? There are others?)
-the thing (just no. This was the one that broke me and made me the worst version of me)
-marriage (I always thought mine would be like mom and dad’s. This is impossible.)
-kids (I LOVE these little people. I’m STRONGER for them. Fuuuuck! This love is HUGE)
-reading things besides the Bible (dropped religion)
-divorce (first time in life I have ever been free. Fuck. This is terrifying)
-life after divorce (what do I like? What music is this? What are my hobbies? Find some. So, I can think for me? Cool. Wait. Omg! Aaaaaah! Settle down. This feels good. Aaaaaah! Run in circles. How do people live with freedom? Fuck. It’s amazing! Ahhhhhhhhh! Never had I EVER! From birth to now. Oh lawrdy lawrd! I’m FREE! Who am I? Let’s find out.)
Pretty much.
When "the thing" pass; you know that you will come back stronger..
Unless if it's the "other thing".
I don’t think the thing had to happen for any reason. I don’t believe in destiny or meant to be stuff. I don’t believe tragedy is necessary for a better self when the damage is so profound, that even with growth, you can’t escape its claws. I am a much better, stronger, smarter, happier person now than I was years ago, but that’s not thanks to tragedies or the thing. That’s despite the thing. It’s because of resilience, motivation, the love for my two sons and love for myself, and because I refuse to be a sad lump on the floor just crying and feeling like shit. Someone once told me that god had a plan in everything and that maybe he used tragedy to make me a better person, so I could help others. To that I say, fuck you. I’m a better person for many reasons, but not thanks to horrible people doing horrible things. Sometimes I have days when the old me resurfaces and I doubt myself and my ability to make sound decisions, to cope, to fight, but new me is bigger and better and I get back up. You know what helps? Surrounding myself by admirable, positive, smart, decent humans and cats.
"Hipster is what happens when young hot people do what old ladies do." -Exian
