Things that change us

[Mystic]

^I find the healing short lived, because in the healing, we grow in capacity, which means more duty, and we are ever playful and negligent towards our duty.

I thought doing well in computer science (3rd year now), would make me feel I've accomplished a lot, but with realizing the skillset I have, and in other classes as well, I feel I been negligent towards my abilities.

The oppressed, the hungry, the people in war torn counties, they wonder what we all do. Watching them.

And the biggest hadith that I constantly remember is the hadiths from then 9th successor:

"Three are partners, the oppressor, the supporter of the oppressor, and the watcher". I am a watcher. I do nothing but watch oppressors have their way.


I wasted too much of my life with video games and other things.

No Psychologist can make this guilt of mine go away and it doesn't matter what they say.

I know I must do something for the oppressed.   Right now, I'm just reflecting on exactly what I must do. Right now, I know I must finish my degree, and so focusing my efforts on that.

I know I can do something, I'm just not sure what at the moment. It's so abstract the plan I have to join and be part of.

Continue being yourself. Kind, humble and open. We don’t have to wait to help the oppressed, we can start right now, right as we are.

I don't want to be myself, because I realized I'm not the change I want to see in the world, but the problem.  It's people gifted with my capacity that have to do something. If we do nothing, who will do something? Pretend to be hero in a video game. Go up arbitrary ranks in Hero league video game?

Save the world in fable while watching the darkness rise in real life. 

I realized I am not the change at all, like in Ghandi's famous quote. I am the problem. I have to change.

I know psychologist always tell me I am too hard on myself, but I am 100% certain, I have not been hard enough.