Reading the bible: please help!

[Succubus]

The OP is a liar and a fool. He has no interest in receiving any kind of explanation of how to approach biblical texts.

You're right he's just a spiteful nasty bastard who hates God.
And all of the supposed conundrums he presents can be easily explained if he would just listen to the wisdom amply provided by the likes of you. Ingrate is wot they is.
Just look at this one piece advice as to how one should lead a good and decent sinful life.

You can kill a woman if she seizes a man's private parts without his permission: Deuteronomy 25:11-1: If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

I'm sure there's a perfectly clear explanation as to why those who lack a through understanding of scripture and are deeply confounded with the above utterly mind blowingly awesomely inanity of that passage.
No doubt you have a perfectly reasonable explanation for this?
Shirley you can help me out here?

And he's a jag-off too, like the others on this thread who would rather mock than engage in rational discussion.

He almost certainly is. Research indicates that 98% of the population stroke the pole/roughs up the clam, and the other 2% are lying bastards.

biblical texts.

18:25 And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines

A hundred foreskins! Me and my imagination with the help of Ann Hathaway have rubbed off thousand of the bastards.  Where I am I going wrong?
Please advise soonest