Reading the bible: please help!

[Neo-Scholastic]

But I'm curious about what kind of rational discussion can be had about those verses. Seriously. They make little sense to me. By all outward appearances they are the barbaric/ignorant utterings of an ancient tribal culture. In that context, the verses make sense. In the context of being part of the Holy and Eternal word of benevolent supreme being, the creator of the majestic universe and its natural laws, they seem incoherent...So that's my rational assessment of the OP's contents. Care to explain what I'm not getting?

This reply is for Vulcanlogic only since he seems serious and respectful...the rest of you can go fuck yourselves.

Yes, vulcanlogic, you are exactly right or at least partially. A plain wooden reading of the text seems confusing to people living in 21st century post-industrial liberal democracies. The underlying assumption of your question is that any Divine text should be clearly understood across all epochs, by anyone regardless of culture, language, or education level. Why make the assumption that Holy Writ must be crystal clear, as opposed to the position of the Scholastics, who considered it a virtue that Holy Script could operated on multiple levels? It is able to instruct common people with parables and stories taken at face value and reward the deep study of highly educated scholars or contemplatively meditating on a single passage.

The idea that sundry ordinances can have direct application to a an nomadic people and still provide profound insights to open-minded modern thinkers seems to me quite remarkable. Even the bible itself admits its own obscurity when Paul says that for now we see through a glass darkly. The point is that God speaks to us where we are and His word is there waiting for us when we are ready to receive it. A 12-year old can get something out of the story of Daniel in the Lions Den or the parable of the wise man building his house on stone; whereas Revelation only truly opens up for those already intimately familiar with biblical symbols and allusions. Somedays all I can handle are the most basic admonitions from the Pauline letters from the NIV. Other days, I lock myself in the study with an NASB translation, concordance at hand, surrounded by reference books about things like ancient Hebrew customs.

If some joker's only intention is to find things in Scripture to mock, there is no shortage of material. But that says more about the intentions and character of the reader than the text itself.