I'm about to be a multi-millionaire!

[The Grand Nudger]

While we let Mrs Smith steam in her own juices and....hopefully...find some poor elderly uzbekistani woman to use as a front (hey....look at me, sending people to visit the dying)......

I've been setting up a quick numbers game with a dhl atm card scammer out of Benin.  

---

-responding with my bait account from standard spam on my catcher account

I'm interested in getting this handled as quickly as possible, how do we proceed?  

-you guys should see this utterly unconvincing html "dhl" email bullshit form letter from "Kenneth", it's just lazy as fuck.  Flashing text, I guess, but 1/10 for effort.

ATTENTION: ,  

THANKS VERY MUCH FOR YOUR MESSAGE. THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT WE WILL BE IN YOUR DOORSTEP WITHIN 48 HOURS.

THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT THIS ATM CARD WAS REGISTERED HERE YESTERDAY BEEN 21ST MAY 2018 AND WE AGREED THAT THE DELIVERY OF THE ATM CARD WILL COMMENCE TOMORROW MORNING IMMEDIATELY  YOU CONTACT US AND HE HAS PAID FOR EVERYTHING INCLUDING THE DELIVERY CHARGE AND THE INSURANCE FEE BUT HE DID NOT PAY FOR THE SECURITY KEEPING FEE DUE TO WE DO NOT KNOW WHEN EXACTLY YOU WILL CONTACT US AND THE SECURITY KEEPING FEE IS US$25 PER DAY AND TODAY MAKE IT TWO DAY WHICH IS ONLY US$50 THAT YOU HAVE TO PAY TODAY TO ENABLE US COMMENCE ON THE DELIVERY AND IF THAT IS OKAY BY YOU KINDLY FORWARD TO US YOUR DELIVERY ADDRESS TO AVOID WRONG DELIVERY AND DEMAND FOR THE INFORMATION TO SEND THE US$50 TODAY.

WE WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOUR URGENT RESPOND.

I would like to mail you the payment as soon as possible, please send details.

THIS IS TO LET YOU KNOW THAT WE HAVE RECEIVE YOUR MESSAGE THIS MORNING AND WE ARE HERE CONFIRMING THE RECEIVER'S INFORMATION FOR THE PAYMENT AND I ALSO WANT YOU TO FORWARD YOUR DELIVERY INFORMATION AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE FEE OF US$50.00

THEREFORE,YOU ARE ADVISED TO GO TO  MONEY GRAM OR WESTERN UNION TRANSFER AND WIRE $50.00 TO THIS COMPANY WITH OUR CASHIER NAMES BELOW:


RECEIVER NAME....... PETER OFOR
COUNTRY....BENIN REPUBLIC
CITY...COTONOU
QUESTION...HOW LONG
ANSWER....48 HOURS
MTCN.......................... ......


 AS SOON AS THIS PAYMENT IS CONFIRMED HERE TODAY I WILL FORWARD TO YOU ALL DELIVERY INFORMATION TO ENABLE YOU KNOW EXACT TIME IT IS ARRIVING WITHIN 48 HOURS.


PLEASE NOTE THAT AGENT ASSIGNED FOR YOUR DELIVERY IS MR.JOHN MORRIS AND HE WILL LEAVE THIS COUNTRY AS SOON AS THE SECURITY KEEPING FEE IS RECEIVED.

HOWEVER, IT IS MY PLEASURE TO INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE SECURED ALL THE RELEVANT DOCUMENTS TO AVOID ANY DELIVERY/HITCH ON THE WAY TO YOUR COUNTRY OR AT YOUR AIRPORT.

Thank you for all your help.  I;ve made the transfer as instructed.  What is the tracking number for delivery?

..............and I;ve got him, fucker goes off script.

I JUST RECEIVE YOUR MESSAGE SAYING THAT YOU HAVE MADE THE PAYMENT WITHOUT GIVEN ME THE PAYMENT DETAIL OR GIVEN ME YOUR DELIVERY ADDRESS AND PLEASE IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS KINDLY STOP CONTACTING ME BUT IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE SEND THE MONEY GET BACK TO ME WITH THE PAYMENT INFORMATION SUCH AS THE MTCN

I already made the payment as instructed.  I;ve never sent money before, would the information you need be on my copy of the form or the receipt?  I don;t know what I;m looking for.  If I scanned the form and sent it to you could you help me?  I want to get my card as quickly as possible.  Please respond quickly, I have an appointment later this morning.

So greedy, he thinks the proverbial check is in the mail.

IF YOU HAVE SENT THE MONEY CAN YOU SCAN THE RECEIPT THAT WAS GIVEN TO YOU AND SEND TO ME AND I WILL CONFIRM IT FROM THE RECEIPT AND I WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOUR URGENT REPLY.

Ever the compliant victim, I send a corrupted file called "westernunion.jpg"

I scanned the form.  Thanks for all of your help.  Please get back to me quickly.

I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING IN THE ATTACH FILE YOU SENT SO IF YOU ARE NOT READY TO SEND THE SCAN COPY OF THE PAYMENT SLIP THEN YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THE PACKAGE.

Bad scammer, bad, Imma slap him around for being so rude to customers while dangling the nonexistent "payment" in his face and threatening to cancel the money that;s just sitting there waiting to be stolen.  Plus, invite him to waste more of his or his compatriots time as a "supervisor". 

The file is good and it has everything you asked for.  I did everything I was instructed to do.  I don;t know who you think you are, or what customer support is like in your country, but here you have to conduct business with respect.  If I don;t see resolution of this problem before I get home from my appointment I;ll be cancelling the payment and forwarding all of our communications to your supervisor.  

[hide]

---

Sometime after COB in Benin I'll send a follow up claiming to have waited on hold after hours until I spoke with a csr who transferred me out to another rep, a respectful young man named Ojimbe who confirmed all of my details and had no trouble opening my file...but informed me that "Kenneth" was a scammer trying to claim my package....and that the payment was actually $250 usd, which I can pay through moneygram.  I;m onto you Ken, you scammer, I'll be paying the legit DHL rep first thing in the am and you'll never get my package!

...now I just need to make an email address for Ojimbe.