Theoretical Alternative to Capital Punishment

[Cecelia]

Instead, they should take all the prisonres who are worthy of death sentences, place them in the same building.

There they only have access to the following:

Tofu and Brussels Sprouts are the only things they serve for food.
Once a week they are required to watch terrible movies like the Star Wars Holiday Specials (in july) Saving Christmas (also in July) God's Not Dead, Superbabies Baby Geniuses 2, all Michael Bay films except Armageddon and the Rock) In fact we'll hire people to make Michael Bay style movies ruining their childhoods. With CHRISTIAN THEMES
No clocks, no natural sunlight except for twice per day for 20 minutes (they're told it's an hour, and they're told they only get sunlight once a day) Alternatively clocks that run at half speed
Lights out at random times of the day
Nickelback and Justin Bieber Songs playing constantly on loop. (The same song tends to play ALL DAY LONG)
They get all the books they want to read, but the endings are ripped out.
The floors are perfectly designed--except for one SMALL but very noticeable flaw in the cell.
Really uncomfortable chairs in the cafeteria
Sleep Number Beds that you can't change the settings on, set specifically to the discomfort of the prisoner
Toilet Paper comes all crumpled up
Salt and Pepper shakers in the cafeteria. Each table has 12 shakers, nobody knows how many are salt and how many are pepper. They are NOT clearly labeled. Also ONE of them comes out really fast.
Prisoners do get Ice Cream... Garlic Ice Cream.
Prison Uniforms have one leg longer than the other

Obviously only once prisoners have no more options for appeal do they get sent to Evil Prison.