Religious people are weird at funerals. Often they don't even respect the wishes of the deceased.
When my mother-in-law passed away (she was fairly religious), all she wanted was graveside rights. She didn't want a funeral service. Her only wishes were that, and being buried in her family's graveyard. My husband, being her only son, made sure that her second wish was followed 100%. He tried getting them to follow her first wish as well, but his uncle refused to follow his sister's wishes and decided to have a small service. My husband didn't want to fight it because honestly he was too upset to fight over something like that.
That side of the family is SUPER religious. Lot's of priests and missionaries on that side. (We don't talk with them often. I think it's been about 4 years now since we've seen most of them. I did talk with one of them recently, and they were REALLY excited about how their daughter is becoming a missionary. Luckily this was over the phone, cause I coudln't avoid rolling my eyes at that). After the funeral they'd go on and on about how she was in a better place, and how they wish they could be there too. It was disturbing (especially in front of my oldest kids -- who knows what they were thinking at the time. Hearing people talking about how dying was such a great thing. I'm glad I didn't bring my youngest two. (They were only like 4 at the time)
Then you have my grandfather's funeral. I had to endure hearing all about how he had 'gone home'. It upset my mom a lot. (She's the least religious of the family. She might be an atheist, but she probably would never come out about it). They never once thought about how other people might feel. Instead, only caring about how they felt.
People mourn in different ways, and I think it's important people get to mourn the way they need to. But people should be considerate--and that should be both ways.
"She's in a better place" is pushing it, but somewhat harmless (unless they were young)
"You need to find god" is being an asshole.
Bringing up hell at a funeral is a total dick move, and should not be tolerated.
Sorry about you and your sister's losses. And sorry you didn't get to mourn the way you wanted to.
When my mother-in-law passed away (she was fairly religious), all she wanted was graveside rights. She didn't want a funeral service. Her only wishes were that, and being buried in her family's graveyard. My husband, being her only son, made sure that her second wish was followed 100%. He tried getting them to follow her first wish as well, but his uncle refused to follow his sister's wishes and decided to have a small service. My husband didn't want to fight it because honestly he was too upset to fight over something like that.
That side of the family is SUPER religious. Lot's of priests and missionaries on that side. (We don't talk with them often. I think it's been about 4 years now since we've seen most of them. I did talk with one of them recently, and they were REALLY excited about how their daughter is becoming a missionary. Luckily this was over the phone, cause I coudln't avoid rolling my eyes at that). After the funeral they'd go on and on about how she was in a better place, and how they wish they could be there too. It was disturbing (especially in front of my oldest kids -- who knows what they were thinking at the time. Hearing people talking about how dying was such a great thing. I'm glad I didn't bring my youngest two. (They were only like 4 at the time)
Then you have my grandfather's funeral. I had to endure hearing all about how he had 'gone home'. It upset my mom a lot. (She's the least religious of the family. She might be an atheist, but she probably would never come out about it). They never once thought about how other people might feel. Instead, only caring about how they felt.
People mourn in different ways, and I think it's important people get to mourn the way they need to. But people should be considerate--and that should be both ways.
"She's in a better place" is pushing it, but somewhat harmless (unless they were young)
"You need to find god" is being an asshole.
Bringing up hell at a funeral is a total dick move, and should not be tolerated.
Sorry about you and your sister's losses. And sorry you didn't get to mourn the way you wanted to.
The whole tone of Church teaching in regard to woman is, to the last degree, contemptuous and degrading. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton
