Jesus Herman Christ was found murdered behind a Denny’s restaurant in suburban Palestine late last Thursday. While it initially appeared that he had died from injuries sustained from a crucifixion, an autopsy report revealed that he had actually died because of the sins of all mankind. The coroner noted that Christ appeared to be a victim of masturbation, perjury, homosexuality, gluttony, rape, other unrelated murders, blasphemy, and disobeying the sabbath among several other listed crimes. The coroner estimated that Christ had been dead for over two thousand years. The police have not pressed charges as of yet, but have over 140 Billion suspects, most of which are no longer alive. Two pieces of wood recovered from the scene were held as evidence. A reward of eternal life is being offered for information leading to the eternal damnation of said sinners.
Jesus spent his life as a carpenter. In his spare time, he enjoyed drinking wine and pissing off Jews. He was survived by his father Yahweh. Services are to be held every goddamned sunday in every church throughout the world for all eternity. Christ was 33 when he died.
Blasphemy makes me laugh.
Jesus spent his life as a carpenter. In his spare time, he enjoyed drinking wine and pissing off Jews. He was survived by his father Yahweh. Services are to be held every goddamned sunday in every church throughout the world for all eternity. Christ was 33 when he died.
Blasphemy makes me laugh.
![[Image: Evolution.png]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i1118.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fk619%2Fjcincain%2FPublic%2FEvolution.png)
