On this refugee crisis

[J a c k]

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My fellow Atheists,

We are facing a crisis. A problem. And it's huge. I mean bigly big. Just big, like real big, you wouldn't believe it. It's awful.
So I got together with some of the best people, really amazing people, to think about this intelligently. Because I am incredibly intelligent.
Also, my hands are not small and I have a huge penis. Huge. Wouldn't believe it.7
Anyway it was great, we had brunch at this nice place. You got to meet the chef. You could date the chef, real nice place. And we talked it over, right? So we came up with the single bestest plan anyone has ever come up with, in the history, the entire history ladies and gentlemen, of the internet. Not just the computers, right? Of the entire internet.

We can make Atheist forums dot org great again. I believe so, know so. But to do so, we must face this crisis. And make no mistake: 'This is a tough crisis, one of the messiest we’ve ever seen, from the standpoint of panic'.
In order to protect the lives and livelihoods of the non-believers of the united forums of the org, we have to put a stop to this flood of refugees trying to take our webspace. I'm sure some of them are nice people. But what do we know about the ones coming here? They could be thieves. Rapists. We don't know. You know what I do know though? That I don't like what I don't know. So I don't know about you, but I'd rather keep away from what I don't know, rather than learn about it. Trust me. I'm honest. Never did anything wrong in my life. Trust me, okay? You don't want to talk to people who are different.

So we were thinking, at the lovely brunch place, ... Veal. I had veal, very soft. Very tender. Amazing. We should build a firewall. But! But! But not just any firewall. I'm talking about the hugest firewall you ever seen. Just amazingly huge. Think my ego huge, okay? That huge. We talked to the necessary people. Bill gates said he'd chip in. That's going to be great. Much fun. Steve Jobs too. Was just on the phone with him, told him to bury the hatched with Bill, to which he answered "you're such a great negotiator Obvious, I'm in. I'll do it, just for you." True story. So we can do it. We know how to build firewalls. I don't have a company, but if I did, it'd make firewalls, okay? We can do this. And I'll even tell you, if you let us do this, I'll get the thinking atheist to pay for it, okay? That's right, Seth Andrews is going to pay for this firewall, that's a guarantee. A "G-A-R-A-N-T-E-A", a real guarantee.

Thank you.

And god bless Atheistforums dot org.

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