DNA Proves Existence of a Designer

[Paleophyte]

Volcanoes had to be here to form land masses.

No they didn't. This is God Allmighty we're talking about. He don't need no stinking volcanoes! He can just say "Let there be land!" and the continents say "Yes Sir, God Sir! How much land would you like?"

Your body goes unconscious at a certain level of pain, so death by volcano or fire probably is not as horrible as it sounds.

Theodicy a la "Death by volcano or fire probably is not as horrible as it sounds." Wow. Just Wow.

I don't think very many people get eaten by predators

Any is still suffering.

And what about the bunny rabbits? Nom-nom-nom goes mister fox, gnawing on those fluffy bunnies.

Parasites are life too, if they are chewing someone's eyes there is probably a reason.

And that reason rhymes with "malevolent". See, this is God we're talking about. Omnipotent. Doesn't need to resort to horrific punishment to make you a better person. Not that beating your kids helps them grow up to be well-adjusted. So if even we mortals know that this is not merely needless, not merely senseless, but actually counter-productive suffering then God's either the biggest incompetent or the biggest bastard in the history of history.