Purity Ball

[Nakara]

The comments about how these girls are making a “choice” that they aren’t being “sex objects” either haven’t been around this or are very misguided. These aren’t adult women making the decision to be chaste without pressure. That would be fine.

Imagine you are a 12 year old girl. You have been brought up in a family and a community that teaches that women will need to submit to the headship of a man, and that the duty of a woman is to submit to male authority. You have been told that this is the path for a woman to be pleasing to god and go to heaven (with the implication that failure to do so leads to hell). You have been shielded from most pop media and told that our culture is decadent and sinful, focusing only on sex which devalues the PROPER role of women as submissive wife and mother. This is all you know and all you have been told your entire life.

Now imagine that your church/school is putting on this purity ball. Your family, friends, and church are really hyping this. They talk about how they’re committing themselves to purity and to god. You know your parents and friends all want you to do this.

Recall these can be young girls as young as 12. These girls are just starting puberty, have little to no knowledge of sex and haven’t begun their sexual development. Many don’t have true secondary sex characteristics. This is in addition to not being mentally fully developed. Add to this the incredible pressure and the fact these girls are completely dependent on those pushing this ceremony. This is not a free choice.

And that’s not even getting into the fact that it is true, boys don’t go through this. Sure, they may be told that abstinence is best, but they aren’t pressured for it. Girls are the ones who are told it is THEIR responsibility to avoid sex, tht boys simply can’t help themselves.

THIS is what I was trying to say earlier. You’ve explained it far better.

There isn’t just immense pressure by their peers to go through with this, but also a lifetime of being raised in this sort environment—they may even happily “choose” to go through with the purity ball, just as one would happily fast, not eat certain foods, wear certain clothing, participate in certain rituals, etc, since that was how they were raised to believe and behave. What’s most disturbing to me about all this, is this is simply another way to control people by raising them to self-shame and “control” themselves.

I’m not say these girls should go run around and fuck everything that moves—they just shouldn’t be shamed for their intimacy and sexuality, nor should they be valued based on their « purity », as if they were a used car or chewed piece of gum if they happened to not uphold their oath. People should be comfortable with themselves.