Cisgender vs Non-Binary

[EgoDeath]

Cisgender vs Non-Binary

These terms are relatively new to me, and I never had to think under which label might I fall into, based on their definitions, until recently.

I have male and female friends, and there’s a variety of things I share with both genders. I am not as masculine as my male friends, who like sports, hate shopping, don’t care about aesthetics, more stoic, hate cooking, are not as nurturing, while sharing aspects considered traditionally female, like taking a very active nurturing role in parenting, enjoying shopping for myself and for my wife, picking out handbags, cooking, being open about my feelings. In fact for the most part I feel more comfortable with my female friends than my male friends, probably has to do with being raised primarily by my mom, and with having two sisters.

This is one area that I will admit confuses me about the LGBT community. I literally never think about whether or not I'm masculine or feminine, outside of conversations like this... and maybe that's the point, that since I'm a straight white male, I don't have to think about those things; I suppose I have that convenience. People in the LGBT community seem to be constantly thinking about this facet of their lives... and maybe society forces them to, I don't know. Personally, I don't see masculinity in the way that you describe it: Loving sports, hating shopping, not caring about looks, being stoic and hating cooking.

To me, masculinity, as well as femininity, is a bit hard to define. I believe I'm masculine simply because of the way I carry myself; it's in my being and in my attitude toward the world and myself, not in the activities I do. I love to read and write. Are those things feminine? I love guns and I enjoy fighting (for sport, mostly Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Kickboxing)... are those things masculine? I enjoy cooking and grilling... don't care for baking. Is that masculine or feminine? I hate shopping, but I also loathe sports of all kinds. I don't even watch the UFC, even though I love BJJ and Kickboxing. Is that masculine or feminine? To me, I think you can get bogged down in murky waters trying to define which activities are masculine and feminine; in my mind, it's much more about how one carries themselves and how they view the world. I'm not really sure how to define it though, I just sort of know it when I feel it. For example, I tend to attract and be attracted to feminine girly girls. I love when a girl smells pretty and has her hair done and maybe some makeup on. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and I love being around feminine energy. I'm the type of guy that would rather hang out in a room full of girls than sit around with a bunch of guys drinking beer. Is that masculine or feminine?

One thing is for sure, I certainly don't define myself as cisgender or binary. Or even masculine really. I think most people who meet me would say I'm a masculine guy. But I've never woke up and been like yea, I'm a cisgender, masculine male! HOORAH! It's just not something that I think about.

While when I was younger I had a more androgynous look, where I idolized prince. As I grew older I preferred the more masculine, rugged appearance, dad fashion. I am also both aggressive and assertive, and straightforward more like my male friends than girl friends.

Based solely on appearance I look like a traditional cisgender male, but on the inside I feel I can identify with some traditional components of each gender, while not relating to others.

Some people here poked fun at me for referring to myself as non-binary, by claiming that I sound more like a hipster than a non-binary, or sarcastically claiming that by my description  they’d also classify as non-binary.

If I strongly identified as non-binary, these comments would come off as very hateful, and bigoted. But since I’m not too well versed on the distinctions here, I take it as there could possibly be some truth to their implications, that I’m more of a confused cisgender male, as opposed to non-binary. I would like to hear from those who think I’m misusing the label, as to why they think that? I’m trying to understand what am I not getting about the non-binary cisgender distinction?

I did watch some videos of non-binary people, and it’s clear that we don’t look alike, but this doesn’t seem to be the dividing line from what I read.

I read a few article as well, and still came out thinking it’s an appropriate label for me.

Since I feel many people here perhaps know more about gender identities than I do, I’m hoping this is a good opportunity to explore the question more, and not misuse these labels, if that’s what I’ve been doing.

It seems like you're quite fixated on this topic and fixated on the idea of defining yourself in some way. This is another thing I've never understood about the LBGT community; I don't feel some deep-seated need to define myself in order to have an identity. Once again, maybe this is the convenience of being a straight white male... I don't know. But it's strange to me when people feel the need to belong to a group like that. Hell, outside of being on this forum, I rarely think of myself as an atheist even. I'm just me.

Maybe I do like to consider myself a writer, so maybe I do group myself in that way. I don't know. I'll be the first person to say I don't really understand a whole lot about the cisgender/trans stuff. Whatever the case may be, this is a pretty liberal crowd here (I'm a liberal myself). I really doubt anyone is giving you shit for being "non-binary," whatever that means. You're a person and you deserve the same rights and respect as anyone else. Don't let people get to you. There's a difference between someone trying to insult you and someone who just maybe doesn't understand what you're going through.