Sorry I'm long winded. 
Half rant half I don't know what to do.
I have the age old question on how to deal with family you can't handle anymore. I put this as serious because I know the first response from a lot of people is to just drop the family member, tell them to fuck off, never see them again. In reality though that doesn't always work. I am looking for advice on not only how to handle her but on if I'm being petty. We all should know by now that I have a large petty streak and I'm trying to better myself by asking myself if I am being childish about things before flying off the handle. My family keeps making me feel like I'm part of the problem here and I personally feel like I'm the only one standing up like we should so I'm conflicted. Despite any spats we've had here on AF.org I do trust this site and its members more than anywhere or anyone else. I know y'all will either tell me to grow up or I will feel confident to stand my ground.
Quick back story: My family dissolved when I finally told on my step father for abusing me. My mom didn't fully believe me for years. Step dad ended up killing himself so now they believe me. Due to this our family has had a hard decade. At any given moment we (my mom, two sisters, and myself) can get into a screaming/crying fight. It has gotten better over the years but only the last two have been decent. The youngest sister was 10 when everything went down so she practically grew up in a civil war.
Problem: Youngest sister is a fucking bitch and I'm tired of her emotional abuse.
Everything is about Caitlin. Everyone does everything for her and walks on eggshells around her. She gets pissed off at the slightest thing and will blow up causing everyone to get upset and start screaming. She is rude to our mom (which is always what triggers me) and says/acts however she pleases. My mom and other sister have decided it is just easier to cater to Caitlin than deal with her anger. I on the other hand don't accept this. I call her out for being mean, for treating people like shit, and for never accepting that she might be wrong. Because of this she hates me and feels like I'm always targeting her. This is why my family always says I'm the bad guy cause I start shit when I should keep my mouth shut. I keep saying I'm done with her and stop speaking to her but then I get in trouble for causing drama and not being part of the family. "She's your sister" is what I keep getting told as to why I can't cut her out of my life. I usually cave and go back into the family unit because I feel guilty.
What Caitlin has done may seem trivial on paper but all these things really upset me. Aside from her every day issues where she says something horrible to mom and I have to tell her to stop talking like to our mother she has done a few bigger things. 1) She came to my bridal shower and sat in the corner sulking the entire time but we ignored her 2) She also came to my bachlorette party where my aunt isn't used to her attitude. Aunt got upset she was listening to headphones and ignoring everyone at dinner and it started a huge fight. We had to leave the restaurant and go straight home since everyone was crying. 3) She was then forced to come to my wedding and wasn't in any of my family photos. We stopped speaking for 6 months and then we were civil in front of each other. 4) I texted her I was pregnant (since she wouldn't come over to my mom's house) and I got back "congrats" 5) A few months later I texted her that the baby was a girl and got nothing back.
6) Christmas day this year. She got a gun from her husband and when she was opening it and looking at it she was accidentally pointing it right at me and my daughter. I said "Hey let's not point that at people" and all hell broke loose. She accused me of being offended by everything and being scared of guns (mind you I own my own gun and carry it on my belt) started screaming about how she "took a class" and knows how to handle guns, exclaimed she didn't "aim" it at me, and that it wasn't loaded. I told her it doesn't matter if it's not loaded you always treat it like it is (that's when she accused me of being scared of guns) I literally didn't say another word but by then my mom was accusing us of ruining another Christmas and storming off, my other sister Jesse was screaming and crying about how we can't go one day without fighting, and Caitlin shut down completely. Mom came back and asked why she can't just apologize and move on (I was already trying to move on by acting like it hadn't happened) Caitlin said "Because she isn't sorry" I literally have been in the same room as Caitlin twice since that day and she acts like I am not there. She only goes to my mom's house to drop off and pick up her son. 7) We were supposed to have a mini vacation for us girls that the three of us sisters planned and agreed to pay for. After this ordeal Caitlin refused to text me back but would text Jesse about her wedding details, she refused to come on the vacation, and Jesse and I had to foot the entire bill ourselves.
I want to be done and stop giving her chances, I'm tired of being the bad guy for standing up to her walking all over everyone, and I can't just sit by and watch her do it. I'm sick of her playing the victim and giving us the cold shoulder for months on end. How do you cut someone out of your life though they share the same family members? How can I tell my mom to stop forcing Caitlin to MY special events because she always ruins them? My mom wants us girls to all get along and be civil but am I wrong to say no I will celebrate Christmas with them another day when Caitlin isn't there? I love Caitlin's son and I get to see him when I stay with my mom over the weekend and he does as well and I don't want that taken away but if I cut ties with Caitlin I KNOW she will take him from me, she already tried once. After my wedding he said that Caitlin told him they were never going to see me again. Is there even a way to stop associating with someone you have so many connections to?
Half rant half I don't know what to do.I have the age old question on how to deal with family you can't handle anymore. I put this as serious because I know the first response from a lot of people is to just drop the family member, tell them to fuck off, never see them again. In reality though that doesn't always work. I am looking for advice on not only how to handle her but on if I'm being petty. We all should know by now that I have a large petty streak and I'm trying to better myself by asking myself if I am being childish about things before flying off the handle. My family keeps making me feel like I'm part of the problem here and I personally feel like I'm the only one standing up like we should so I'm conflicted. Despite any spats we've had here on AF.org I do trust this site and its members more than anywhere or anyone else. I know y'all will either tell me to grow up or I will feel confident to stand my ground.
Quick back story: My family dissolved when I finally told on my step father for abusing me. My mom didn't fully believe me for years. Step dad ended up killing himself so now they believe me. Due to this our family has had a hard decade. At any given moment we (my mom, two sisters, and myself) can get into a screaming/crying fight. It has gotten better over the years but only the last two have been decent. The youngest sister was 10 when everything went down so she practically grew up in a civil war.
Problem: Youngest sister is a fucking bitch and I'm tired of her emotional abuse.
Everything is about Caitlin. Everyone does everything for her and walks on eggshells around her. She gets pissed off at the slightest thing and will blow up causing everyone to get upset and start screaming. She is rude to our mom (which is always what triggers me) and says/acts however she pleases. My mom and other sister have decided it is just easier to cater to Caitlin than deal with her anger. I on the other hand don't accept this. I call her out for being mean, for treating people like shit, and for never accepting that she might be wrong. Because of this she hates me and feels like I'm always targeting her. This is why my family always says I'm the bad guy cause I start shit when I should keep my mouth shut. I keep saying I'm done with her and stop speaking to her but then I get in trouble for causing drama and not being part of the family. "She's your sister" is what I keep getting told as to why I can't cut her out of my life. I usually cave and go back into the family unit because I feel guilty.
What Caitlin has done may seem trivial on paper but all these things really upset me. Aside from her every day issues where she says something horrible to mom and I have to tell her to stop talking like to our mother she has done a few bigger things. 1) She came to my bridal shower and sat in the corner sulking the entire time but we ignored her 2) She also came to my bachlorette party where my aunt isn't used to her attitude. Aunt got upset she was listening to headphones and ignoring everyone at dinner and it started a huge fight. We had to leave the restaurant and go straight home since everyone was crying. 3) She was then forced to come to my wedding and wasn't in any of my family photos. We stopped speaking for 6 months and then we were civil in front of each other. 4) I texted her I was pregnant (since she wouldn't come over to my mom's house) and I got back "congrats" 5) A few months later I texted her that the baby was a girl and got nothing back.
6) Christmas day this year. She got a gun from her husband and when she was opening it and looking at it she was accidentally pointing it right at me and my daughter. I said "Hey let's not point that at people" and all hell broke loose. She accused me of being offended by everything and being scared of guns (mind you I own my own gun and carry it on my belt) started screaming about how she "took a class" and knows how to handle guns, exclaimed she didn't "aim" it at me, and that it wasn't loaded. I told her it doesn't matter if it's not loaded you always treat it like it is (that's when she accused me of being scared of guns) I literally didn't say another word but by then my mom was accusing us of ruining another Christmas and storming off, my other sister Jesse was screaming and crying about how we can't go one day without fighting, and Caitlin shut down completely. Mom came back and asked why she can't just apologize and move on (I was already trying to move on by acting like it hadn't happened) Caitlin said "Because she isn't sorry" I literally have been in the same room as Caitlin twice since that day and she acts like I am not there. She only goes to my mom's house to drop off and pick up her son. 7) We were supposed to have a mini vacation for us girls that the three of us sisters planned and agreed to pay for. After this ordeal Caitlin refused to text me back but would text Jesse about her wedding details, she refused to come on the vacation, and Jesse and I had to foot the entire bill ourselves.
I want to be done and stop giving her chances, I'm tired of being the bad guy for standing up to her walking all over everyone, and I can't just sit by and watch her do it. I'm sick of her playing the victim and giving us the cold shoulder for months on end. How do you cut someone out of your life though they share the same family members? How can I tell my mom to stop forcing Caitlin to MY special events because she always ruins them? My mom wants us girls to all get along and be civil but am I wrong to say no I will celebrate Christmas with them another day when Caitlin isn't there? I love Caitlin's son and I get to see him when I stay with my mom over the weekend and he does as well and I don't want that taken away but if I cut ties with Caitlin I KNOW she will take him from me, she already tried once. After my wedding he said that Caitlin told him they were never going to see me again. Is there even a way to stop associating with someone you have so many connections to?
“What screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of what it's supposed to be.”
Also if your signature makes my scrolling mess up "you're tacky and I hate you."
Also if your signature makes my scrolling mess up "you're tacky and I hate you."
