RE: What is forgiveness and what is not?
February 7, 2019 at 5:19 pm
(This post was last modified: February 7, 2019 at 5:26 pm by The Grand Nudger.)
Just realized I'd neglected this thread. Hell of a trip ,Benny. I had three dads. One that I never knew, and for the most part never knew I had. Teenage love, right? One that I knew and lost twice..the first time to divorce the second to an untimely death. The third, to divorce and crack (not even kidding, lol).
Of the three, and to elaborate on my earlier comments -
The first never got my forgiveness..never really needed it, I suppose. He went on to live a wonderful life and have a wonderful family that I just met last year. His life was redeeming regardless of forgiveness.
The second was forgiven from the moment of separation, but he died in a tub in his parents house, indebted to my mother...destitute, and unredeemed (though he'd tried).
The third, the damned crackhead, needs neither forgiveness nor redemption. He was legitimately the best of the three, and raised me through my teenage years. I have his mannerisms, his laugh, his sense of humor, his football loyalties (lol). He got me my first real job, a great fuckin job - and I translated that into a great life when I found myself in a shitty position and had to rebuild the whole sorry thing. Poor guy just loved him some rock. I hear he's a twelve stepper who works for fedex now.
My mother...well, she's a force of fucking nature. Forgiveness and redemption mean about as much in reference to her as they do when tornado rips through a trailer park.
Me.., I'll die unforgiven and unredeemable, but hopefully not in my mothers tub, lol. Those who could forgive me for the many things I have done that can be forgiven largely have, but it can never overcome the weight of those unforgiveable things, nor could any act in my life possibly redeem it in light of those past acts. All of which I'd do again, if I did it all over, if I'm honest.
Of the three, and to elaborate on my earlier comments -
The first never got my forgiveness..never really needed it, I suppose. He went on to live a wonderful life and have a wonderful family that I just met last year. His life was redeeming regardless of forgiveness.
The second was forgiven from the moment of separation, but he died in a tub in his parents house, indebted to my mother...destitute, and unredeemed (though he'd tried).
The third, the damned crackhead, needs neither forgiveness nor redemption. He was legitimately the best of the three, and raised me through my teenage years. I have his mannerisms, his laugh, his sense of humor, his football loyalties (lol). He got me my first real job, a great fuckin job - and I translated that into a great life when I found myself in a shitty position and had to rebuild the whole sorry thing. Poor guy just loved him some rock. I hear he's a twelve stepper who works for fedex now.
My mother...well, she's a force of fucking nature. Forgiveness and redemption mean about as much in reference to her as they do when tornado rips through a trailer park.
Me.., I'll die unforgiven and unredeemable, but hopefully not in my mothers tub, lol. Those who could forgive me for the many things I have done that can be forgiven largely have, but it can never overcome the weight of those unforgiveable things, nor could any act in my life possibly redeem it in light of those past acts. All of which I'd do again, if I did it all over, if I'm honest.
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