What the f laws?

[Rev. Rye]

Weird laws on the books in Illinois, and Cook County in particular:

Statewide:

•  If you don't have any money on you, you can be charged under vagrancy laws (admittedly, not an uncommon state of affairs, especially during the post-slavery era)
  

Chicago:

• Protesting naked is legal only if the protester in question is under 17 years old.
  
• It is illegal to fish while riding on a giraffe's neck.
  
• Eating at a restaurant while it's on fire is illegal. 
  
• Making your dog drunk is illegal (apparently, the laws in question cite specific liquors that are prohibited, like vodka or whiskey)
  
• Anyone who wants to do contract work for the city must disclose whether or not they dealt in the slave trade before 1865.
  

Other Cook County towns:

• Cicero: Humming in public on a Sunday is
  
• Des Plaines: Chaining wheelbarrows to a tree is illegal.
  
• Evanston: Bowling of any kind is prohibited.
  
• Kenilworth: Any rooster that wants to crow must do so 300 feet from any residence. The penalty for this law is Sunday BBQ.
  
• Morton Grove: owning a handgun is illegal, but owning anything larger is A-OK.
  
• Park Ridge: Parking your truck outside is illegal.
  

Honorable mention: In the town of Moline, it's illegal to ice skate on the riverside pond... in the months of June and August. And for those of you who aren't familiar with the climate of Illinois, no, as far as the weather records can tell, going back from 1871, it has never been cold enough in Moline (in the months of June and August, that is) that bodies of water can freeze over hard enough to skate on. The chilliest June days on record have all been at 39 Fahrenheit (all 5 of them!), and August has only hit 40 Fahrenheit three times.