Sorry to hear of your challenges. I can relate.
I was raised by my grandparents, who always wanted me to grow up to be a 'good Christian boy'.
In spite of this, I was skeptical of the religious viewpoint by age 8 and was atheist by 10. I had a serious conflict when I was 12 because my grandparents wanted me to get confirmed in their church. Up to that point, I had memorized catechism (I've always had a decent memory), but I suddenly realized I was supposed to say that I *believed* the stuff I was memorizing. That was actually a shock: I didn't really understand that it wasn't just a memorization exercise and people actually *believed* that stuff.
I managed to avoid the issue when my mother reappeared (long story) and I was never confirmed. But I know that my grandparents were upset about my 'heathenism'. The whole thing was rather traumatic.
All I can say is to be true to your beliefs. Answer questions when asked, try not to get into fights, and realize that your family is *trying* to care in the way they know how. It may not be what you need, but they either cannot or will not understand that.
So, revel in your black-sheepishness. Accept that you beliefs are different than your family's and that they may not ever understand where you come from. Don't allow them to be overly toxic, but also understand that they just don't get it.
Good luck!
I was raised by my grandparents, who always wanted me to grow up to be a 'good Christian boy'.
In spite of this, I was skeptical of the religious viewpoint by age 8 and was atheist by 10. I had a serious conflict when I was 12 because my grandparents wanted me to get confirmed in their church. Up to that point, I had memorized catechism (I've always had a decent memory), but I suddenly realized I was supposed to say that I *believed* the stuff I was memorizing. That was actually a shock: I didn't really understand that it wasn't just a memorization exercise and people actually *believed* that stuff.
I managed to avoid the issue when my mother reappeared (long story) and I was never confirmed. But I know that my grandparents were upset about my 'heathenism'. The whole thing was rather traumatic.
All I can say is to be true to your beliefs. Answer questions when asked, try not to get into fights, and realize that your family is *trying* to care in the way they know how. It may not be what you need, but they either cannot or will not understand that.
So, revel in your black-sheepishness. Accept that you beliefs are different than your family's and that they may not ever understand where you come from. Don't allow them to be overly toxic, but also understand that they just don't get it.
Good luck!
