Welcome! One thing that helped my residual anxiety about things I didn't want to believe in anymore was researching the character of god as an immoral entity. Like you figured out with his prescription for rape victims; even if he happened to be real and I had promised him something, he is an evil entity. I don't have to honour anything I've said to it and i fact, to stay true to what is right in my heart, I probably shouldn't. He's not someone worth worship or respect and I would rather go to "hell" than to give in to a bully who would hide and still expect me to blindly follow them.
It helps in those moments of backsliding when the anxiety brings those irrational "what if..." Thoughts to think of the promises and sacrifices god has done as things actually describing a demonic entity who is manipulating me for some unknown purpose. That whole blood magic sacrifice of Christ? That's something more in line with an evil being in a story book, making contracts in death and blood that get fulfilled in the afterlife. I have often thought about the necessity for me to "accept Christ" as possibly signing some sort of contract where this hungry demonic entity has underhandedly gotten access to my soul in the afterlife by my agreement because it needs its slaves to sign the "document" willingly, so, does so through guilt and fear( which is an evil way to get people on board with your plan).
Then as the anxiety dies down, I researched logical arguments against the existence of god, weakening the returning thoughts that "what if..."
It helps in those moments of backsliding when the anxiety brings those irrational "what if..." Thoughts to think of the promises and sacrifices god has done as things actually describing a demonic entity who is manipulating me for some unknown purpose. That whole blood magic sacrifice of Christ? That's something more in line with an evil being in a story book, making contracts in death and blood that get fulfilled in the afterlife. I have often thought about the necessity for me to "accept Christ" as possibly signing some sort of contract where this hungry demonic entity has underhandedly gotten access to my soul in the afterlife by my agreement because it needs its slaves to sign the "document" willingly, so, does so through guilt and fear( which is an evil way to get people on board with your plan).
Then as the anxiety dies down, I researched logical arguments against the existence of god, weakening the returning thoughts that "what if..."
