A different perspective

[Ahriman]

Why is life trying to keep me trapped in high school forever? I am 30 years old (almost 31) but I can't move on from high school. I've had many dreams about being back in school, and the dreams have a feeling of not being finished with school yet. I never smoked weed in high school, but I smoked for years after graduation, but now, life has made sure I can't smoke weed anymore, so I'm back to not smoking, ala high school. YouTube has created personalized playlists for me, without me doing anything, and I am now addicted to the playlists, just like how I was addicted to listening to CD's in high school. This has left me feeling unfree. There was a brief period several years ago when I had just found out about a particular genre of porn, I would smoke weed and watch the porn and have a really great time. That was probably the freest I've felt since graduating high school, but that's over and done with. What kind of game is life playing here? Life wants me to listen to music (constantly) and not smoke weed. This isn't what I wanted.

It's called growing up or even adulting.  You might want to try it.  

At no point were you, or anyone else, guaranteed the life of a highschooler would go on forever.

The only major difference between my current life and high school life (and everything before high school) is that now I'm gay. It's unfortunate that I missed out on so many years of gay fun. Adults are shady about gay sex. Porn is amazing, but it can only do so much.