A different perspective

[Angrboda]

Why is life trying to keep me trapped in high school forever? I am 30 years old (almost 31) but I can't move on from high school. I've had many dreams about being back in school, and the dreams have a feeling of not being finished with school yet. I never smoked weed in high school, but I smoked for years after graduation, but now, life has made sure I can't smoke weed anymore, so I'm back to not smoking, ala high school. YouTube has created personalized playlists for me, without me doing anything, and I am now addicted to the playlists, just like how I was addicted to listening to CD's in high school. This has left me feeling unfree. There was a brief period several years ago when I had just found out about a particular genre of porn, I would smoke weed and watch the porn and have a really great time. That was probably the freest I've felt since graduating high school, but that's over and done with. What kind of game is life playing here? Life wants me to listen to music (constantly) and not smoke weed. This isn't what I wanted.

I believe it was Sam Harris who remarked that every moment we're engaged in trying to change the contents of our consciousness into something else. If we're sad, we are trying to be happy. If we're happy we're trying to find that special something. If we find that special something, we want to fill the hole we have from a lack of purpose. And on and on and on. Change is the only constant. Look at it this way, if you weren't constantly changing, trying new things, seeing if the grass is greener over there, then your species probably wouldn't exist. It's our capacity to change and adapt which is what makes us such a successful species.