Pat Boone's modern day fairy tale: Article Dissection by Rev. Rye

[Rev. Rye]

There is an entire genre of Harry Potter Erotica, featuring just about any combination of characters you can imagine. Written by amateurs,most of it is pretty bad;I gave up after a few stories.

Well, My Immortal barely counts as erotica. Just try to see if anything in this passage turns you on:

"He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy. "Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed passively as he got an eructation."

For the record, Ebony/Enoby/Egogy/Tara occasionally uses masculine words to refer to her vag.

I also read he Marquis De Sade in my early 20's. First response was arousal,then disgust,then boredom.Finally, admiration for the guy's imagination, perseverance and thoroughness. (did you know he wrote 'Justine' as a play?)

I've never really been aroused by de Sade. I think he's best when he's writing about the most eldritch forms of sex imaginable: things like impregnating a goat, and then screwing the little abomination that comes out immediately after sex. How do you not laugh at something like that? No, I didn't know that Justine was written as a play. I know that the Marquis wrote plays at Charenton, but I don't think that Justine was one of them. His bibliography at Wikipedia doesn't even include any mention of a play version of Justine.

Pat Boone was a boring-as-dog-shit singer of the 1950's and 1960's, with the IQ of a carrot.(think of little Kirky Cameron) One of Pat's specialities was to get hold of a hard rock song( such as 'Tutti Fruitty') lower the tempo and remove anything remotely resembling testicles. He was the male Doris Day,beloved of really wet kids and their parents. -also a REALLY irritating fundie,who like many of the ilk has always suffered from delusions of adequacy and relevance.

I actually have an interesting story about Pat Boone. One day in March 1997, I was reading the funny pages and I read this storyline in Mother Goose and Grimm which lampooned a brief phase in his career when he was wearing leather and singing versions of metal songs in his signature style by having the dog Grimm get so shocked by this that he begins to dress up in leather. I was apparently fascinated enough by this that I wound up somehow talking about it to people at school. I got in trouble until my mother explained it to the principal.

Though I can't find the strips anymore, here are two versions of Long Tall Sally: one by Little Richard, the other by Pat Boone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsJVT8Jr_pM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHwusioTuyw

Take your pick on which one was better, though if you choose Pat Boone, you may need some professional help.

Also, there's a photo of him doing his best Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake impression, and by this I mean he has his dick in a box. And it's on full display. Seriously.