How to have lucid dreams?

[arewethereyet]

we are discussing "the positions of the stars" and their effect on earth. After all, we are all part of the same system (i.e the universe) and the tiniest difference in star/planetary systems would lead to differences here on earth, just like science proved:

Nope. There are turtles in a swamp in Iowa passing gas right now and the butterflies that they aren't farting have more of an effect on you than any star other than the sun ever will. Every whale that humps half a world away has more effect on you. You will never feel the tug of a star because their infinitesimal pull is swamped by the tremendous gravity shift you feel when snow slides off your roof*. You can invoke chaos until your eyes bleed, but those turtle farts will always produce more chaotic effects than your feeble star gravity. Science tells your superstitious nonsense to pound sand.

*

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Weird but true, the gravitational pull of snow on the observatory roof has been measured by researchers. They had to ask maintenance to please stop clearing the roof until they were finished calibrating their superconducting gravimeter. They had been unable to determine the source of the 2 microgal change, a signal 1000 times greater than background, until one of the researchers noticed that it took a break for tea.

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Wait...there are swamps in Iowa?  I grew up there.  How did I miss swamps and only see one corn field after another?