Is the suffering worth it

[Angrboda]

By freewill I mean libertarian freewill.  Whether meaningful or not, I don't think libertarian freewill exists and cannot exist under physicalism, and that everything was determined by a prior state of affairs going back to the early universe.

So to me, you could never have chosen X rather than Y regardless of the illusion that you could have.

I would think the question of whether not having libertarian free will is meaningful would be something a nihilist would answer in the negative.