Is the suffering worth it

[Aegon]

When it comes to free will, I'm a compatibilist. Free will might technically exist, but we do not have a meaningful degree of free will. Our choices are ultimately scripted, although we can still "decide" what to do, within an incredibly limited range of possible actions, and at no point during any of that "doing stuff" are we ever free to make a choice that was not going to happen anyway.

I think of the human mind as a computer or AI learning model. Contemporary understanding of psychology and neurobiology indicates that ages 0 through 9 are crucial development years - this is the period that your mind learns what it is and how to behave. It then utilizes this data and applies it to everything you ever go through for the rest of your life. If you had a lovely childhood with perfect upbringing, this is great news. If you had a traumatic upbringing, this is terrible news. This is the code your brain uses to figure things out.

Practically speaking, I think free will can only be exercised once you've understood that your mind is operating on the code set early in your life. The only way to understand this for yourself, truly, is to see a therapist and/or meditate on a regular basis. If you don't acknowledge you have a code, you cannot change it, and you're doomed to react the same to similar situations your entire life. If you want to create real change in your life, you need to understand the code your mind developed when you were young. I think change is possible only after that point. 

The vast majority of people go through life letting their subconscious make decisions for them without ever really pondering what is causing their thoughts and decisions. So, in a way, these people do not have free will.

On a purely logical level, I'm betting none of this is true. I'm likely being careless with terms like "free will" and "deterministic." There likely is no free will, everything has been set in motion long ago and my thoughts or actions are just one tiny sliver of this massive predetermined chain of cause and effect. But the neat thing is - I can choose not to care or think about it, and instead think about it the way I've presented.