Is the suffering worth it

[Angrboda]

I can't recall what was said, but do you believe there is anything in what I've left that would be inconsistent with what I said?

Yes, that any of it has to do with personal meanings.

By freewill I mean libertarian freewill.  Whether meaningful or not, I don't think libertarian freewill exists and cannot exist under physicalism, and that everything was determined by a prior state of affairs going back to the early universe.

So to me, you could never have chosen X rather than Y regardless of the illusion that you could have.

I would think the question of whether not having libertarian free will is meaningful would be something a nihilist would answer in the negative.

Depends on the type of nihilist.  I'm the type that accepts the existence of the sensation of subjective meaningfulness.

No, I don't think that's true.  Nihilism isn't about personal meaning, so regardless of whether it has subjective meaning or not, you would still answer in the negative or you're using nihilism in an unconventional way.