Last year, I learned of a bottom line I didn't know I had.
I met a guy on my writing forum in December 2021 and we got on pretty well. Overeager, puppy love, we started dating in January with barely a month under our belts. There were a lot of little red flags in that relationship that steadily built up until finally I had to admit to myself and then to him that I just wasn't sexually or romantically attracted to him. I ended things in the very beginning of April last year.
Part of that process was realizing I am unable to be in a relationship with someone if they are infested with parasitic bugs. I'd say the reason that relationship ended was 15% he was physically repulsive to me, 25% he had emotional problems that were exhausting and annoying to deal with(barely together 3 months and already I was like dreading getting messages from this guy, preferring to not talk to him for days if I could get away with it). The remaining 60% was because of the bed bugs.
He started complaining about them in mid January the week of the 12th, his fiance and him were dealing with a resurgence of them(so this was already a problem where the bed bugs had been in their apartment before and they'd failed to sufficiently get rid of them). I thought, okay, fine, I know bed bugs are persistent and he said it came from the communal laundry for their apartment building.
The problem is, he's still complaining about getting bitten and the super delaying getting treatments done around Valentine's Day. But other than his usual "I'm miserable, woe is me, everything sucks, everything bad happens to ME" emotionally taxing bullshite, he doesn't seem too terribly concerned about the bed bug situation nor that this has been at least a month long problem if not longer.
Seth is also a quilter. He likes to make quilts by hand and give them to people he loves. Which... I am now one of, at this point mid February.
It didn't click at first. But it started sprouting as the red flags became more numerous in March and I started to actively feel a measure of disgust and annoyance with his personality and emotional issues. I am a Leo and I started to DREAD getting a blanket from this guy come turn for my own birthday gift. I stopped hearing about the bed bugs after a certain point in February but the fact of never hearing a resolution to the problem kind of bothered me.
What was I going to do? I COULD NOT physically tolerate having the quilt he might make for me in my house, no matter if he was like, "yeah, the super got rid of them right after Valentine's before I even started workng on your quilt." I started to try to visualize how I might be nice about it, how I might salvage the relationship without being able to tell him not to send me anything ever yet not bringing any mailed gifts from him into my home. I thought "I'd need to open it out by the road, beside the mailbox. Do the photo shoot out there. And then BURN IT off camera." But then...what would I do if later he asked me about the blanket or if he came to visit one day and I just don't physically have it in my possession?
There was no getting around it. I'd need to tell him not to send me anything and I'd need to tell him why.
...unlessssss... I just broke up with him.
Then the breakup wouldn't have to shit all over him over this problem he couldn't control and instead could highlight his other faults that repulsed me. He'd never have to know and he'd never need to send me any soul damned thing.
Messy breakup...no we couldn't stay friends....blah blah blah.
I started to think about it more, exploring privately my "thing" with bugs. This includes other bugs such as fleas and ticks but to a lesser degree, because they're easier to get rid of. If I ever got bed bugs, they would be gone in 2 days. I know you hear that and think me so arrogant, as if I somehow could succeed where others have failed--You misunderstand me. I mean that my tolerance level for them is so low, that I would be willing to burn all my shit, clear out my whole house, every inch, and treat it several ways even sideways. It might actually genuinely be toxic for ME to return and live in the house for a while after what I would do to get rid of them. You still don't understand. I would be willing to go into DEBT to get as much industrial shit I would need to kill bed bugs in my house.
You would NOT find me sitting at my computer getting crawled on and bitten on and complaining in text to my boyfriend about how life sucks because I have had weeks of tiny crawling shit all over my fucking body. Absolutely not. My people would be concerned and think that maybe I had died because I would disappear online for a little while to deal with the issue. I wouldn't have TIME to bloody cry on someone's shoulder.
I wondered... "Well, WHEN exactly is enough time for me to feel comfortable dating someone who has dealt with/is dealing with bed bugs?" 6 months? A year? 2 years? 5 years?
Hypothetically: If I were on a first or second date with someone and I REALLY liked them and found them smoking hot, maybe we've even fucked and it's glorious. If they told me that in the apartment where they live now, 5 years ago they had bed bugs and got rid of them and haven't had an outbreak since... I would instantly lose 40-50% attraction for them and we would need to be just friends, if anything at all. I would never be able to go to their apartment. They would need to move if we were to ever be anything more than "out to lunch" friends.
This fear's impact on my life? Minimal. Unless you've fucking had them. Then it nukes everything in a 5 year radius around me.
I met a guy on my writing forum in December 2021 and we got on pretty well. Overeager, puppy love, we started dating in January with barely a month under our belts. There were a lot of little red flags in that relationship that steadily built up until finally I had to admit to myself and then to him that I just wasn't sexually or romantically attracted to him. I ended things in the very beginning of April last year.
Part of that process was realizing I am unable to be in a relationship with someone if they are infested with parasitic bugs. I'd say the reason that relationship ended was 15% he was physically repulsive to me, 25% he had emotional problems that were exhausting and annoying to deal with(barely together 3 months and already I was like dreading getting messages from this guy, preferring to not talk to him for days if I could get away with it). The remaining 60% was because of the bed bugs.
He started complaining about them in mid January the week of the 12th, his fiance and him were dealing with a resurgence of them(so this was already a problem where the bed bugs had been in their apartment before and they'd failed to sufficiently get rid of them). I thought, okay, fine, I know bed bugs are persistent and he said it came from the communal laundry for their apartment building.
The problem is, he's still complaining about getting bitten and the super delaying getting treatments done around Valentine's Day. But other than his usual "I'm miserable, woe is me, everything sucks, everything bad happens to ME" emotionally taxing bullshite, he doesn't seem too terribly concerned about the bed bug situation nor that this has been at least a month long problem if not longer.
Seth is also a quilter. He likes to make quilts by hand and give them to people he loves. Which... I am now one of, at this point mid February.
It didn't click at first. But it started sprouting as the red flags became more numerous in March and I started to actively feel a measure of disgust and annoyance with his personality and emotional issues. I am a Leo and I started to DREAD getting a blanket from this guy come turn for my own birthday gift. I stopped hearing about the bed bugs after a certain point in February but the fact of never hearing a resolution to the problem kind of bothered me.
What was I going to do? I COULD NOT physically tolerate having the quilt he might make for me in my house, no matter if he was like, "yeah, the super got rid of them right after Valentine's before I even started workng on your quilt." I started to try to visualize how I might be nice about it, how I might salvage the relationship without being able to tell him not to send me anything ever yet not bringing any mailed gifts from him into my home. I thought "I'd need to open it out by the road, beside the mailbox. Do the photo shoot out there. And then BURN IT off camera." But then...what would I do if later he asked me about the blanket or if he came to visit one day and I just don't physically have it in my possession?
There was no getting around it. I'd need to tell him not to send me anything and I'd need to tell him why.
...unlessssss... I just broke up with him.
Then the breakup wouldn't have to shit all over him over this problem he couldn't control and instead could highlight his other faults that repulsed me. He'd never have to know and he'd never need to send me any soul damned thing.
Messy breakup...no we couldn't stay friends....blah blah blah.
I started to think about it more, exploring privately my "thing" with bugs. This includes other bugs such as fleas and ticks but to a lesser degree, because they're easier to get rid of. If I ever got bed bugs, they would be gone in 2 days. I know you hear that and think me so arrogant, as if I somehow could succeed where others have failed--You misunderstand me. I mean that my tolerance level for them is so low, that I would be willing to burn all my shit, clear out my whole house, every inch, and treat it several ways even sideways. It might actually genuinely be toxic for ME to return and live in the house for a while after what I would do to get rid of them. You still don't understand. I would be willing to go into DEBT to get as much industrial shit I would need to kill bed bugs in my house.
You would NOT find me sitting at my computer getting crawled on and bitten on and complaining in text to my boyfriend about how life sucks because I have had weeks of tiny crawling shit all over my fucking body. Absolutely not. My people would be concerned and think that maybe I had died because I would disappear online for a little while to deal with the issue. I wouldn't have TIME to bloody cry on someone's shoulder.
I wondered... "Well, WHEN exactly is enough time for me to feel comfortable dating someone who has dealt with/is dealing with bed bugs?" 6 months? A year? 2 years? 5 years?
Hypothetically: If I were on a first or second date with someone and I REALLY liked them and found them smoking hot, maybe we've even fucked and it's glorious. If they told me that in the apartment where they live now, 5 years ago they had bed bugs and got rid of them and haven't had an outbreak since... I would instantly lose 40-50% attraction for them and we would need to be just friends, if anything at all. I would never be able to go to their apartment. They would need to move if we were to ever be anything more than "out to lunch" friends.
This fear's impact on my life? Minimal. Unless you've fucking had them. Then it nukes everything in a 5 year radius around me.
