ACTUAL prophet of Jesus here

[Cinjin]

Actually Telsa, the thing that was most amusing about your OP (as I did not take any of it seriously) was the part about talking to the cosmos and then waiting for the digital clock to show you a number of some significance. That was simply spectacular.

I don't think you're delusional or a schizo. I think you're weak.
You said it yourself. You cried yourself to sleep when you accepted being an atheist and then begged for god again years later. You're a weak person who will clutch at any flimsy straw to experience some kind of meaning and love. You grasped onto every newly discovered religious notion that appealed to you until you found something more suitable. You moved through the all the major religions this way and then settled back into a hybrid of something new, something understood (Christianity), and a whole lot of spiritualist bull shit. The only reason you believe in the nonsense you're cherry picking (and you're CLEARLY cherry picking the stuff you do and don't like) is because you desperately need it to feel some kind of higher meaning in your life. You can't just live can you ... there just HAS to be something out there for you.

You're not a schizo. You're weak & pathetic.