Some of my favourites:
Quote: A friend will help you move. A GOOD friend will help you move a body (Alexei Sale)
Quote:Religion: man's attempt to communicate with the weather (Graffito,London)
Quote:Ambition; avarice on stilts (Samuel Johnson )
Quote:Apologise;to lay the foundation for future offence. (Ambrose Bierce)
Quote:Suicide; the most sincere form of self criticism (anon)
Quote:Baby; a loud noise at one end an no sense of responsibility at the other. (Ronald Knox)
Quote:The Bible; the number one book of the ages.Written by a committee. (Louis B Mayer)
Quote:Callous :Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting others (Ambrose Bierce)
Quote:Clairvoyant: A person,commonly a woman,who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron--namely that he is a blockhead (Ambrose Bierce)
Quote:Compassion; the albatross of the liberal (J B Priestley)
Quote:Conscience; The inner voice which warns someone may be looking ( H L Mencken)
Quote:Cynic: A man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin( H L Mencken)