(April 24, 2012 at 6:29 am)Creed of Heresy Wrote:
Ooo that sounds dirty, I just realized. Still, the topic fits, so I'm keeping the title.
As a few of you may know, I've been unemployed for about two years, with only the occasional seasonal position sprinkled about that time to keep me from sinking utterly into irrecoverable debt. I've been struggling to not give in to despair, and my attempts to find work have been less than successful. Generally anywhere I apply to I end up having my hopes raised when I am told I am a very likely prospect, then suspended for two weeks as I am told they still have to go through another hundred to two hundred applications, then dropped like a very large, heavy sack of potatoes when I am informed that other people got the job. I am living in a college town, and ergo I am a not-college educated 24 year old trying to find employment in retail against people with college degrees or who are in school. A few weeks ago the same thing happened with Staples. It's been three weeks since the interview; I haven't heard a thing, and whenever I call, I am just told "they're going through interviews." So I've resumed my regimen of applications.
Last time I applied to Staples, and before that Home Depot, and before that Pet World, and every time since, despite my professed atheism, I have accidentally [more more likely reflexively] found myself in the shower or in bed whispering "please god let me get this job, please god let me get this job."
Remember that I used to be a devout Methodist.
I recently applied to Family Video, seeing as they were hiring. A few days later, yesterday to be precise, I got a call from the manager asking if I was still interested in being employed by them, to which I eagerly replied that yes I was. He asked me a few questions, to which I answered, and afterward he seemed satisfied enough to schedule an interview today at 6pm. Even getting an interview is a huge victory but again it guarantees nothing. Truth be told I am tired of getting my hopes up, but if I DON'T get them up, I'll end up going into these interviews seemingly listless and unenthusiastic which will further kill my chances of getting a job.
So, I just woke up at 3am, it's now 5:20am, [my sleep schedule is a bit wonky] and I just got out of the shower. While in the shower, I started chanting something to myself.
"Please god let me get this job, please god let me get this job, please god let me..." And then I stopped. I realized what part of the problem is. FALSE hope. Something I've railed against religions for perpetrating since becoming an atheist...and to this day the hold of religion still clings its last pinky to me in the guise of false hope. Of begging something, someone, anything, anyone to give me a chance to be working so I can get my life back on track. I only just realized this.
So I stopped. "No. Please, LG, nail this interview. Please, LG, nail this interview," I started chanting.
I feel a lot more confident about this interview suddenly.
Stubborn man, I prayed for you, will not revel what the prayer was though.
God loves those who believe and those who do not and the same goes for me, you have no choice in this matter. That puts the matter of total free will to rest.
