I'm polyamorous and I'm an atheist. I'm also the sitting President and a founding Director of Atlanta Polyamory, Inc, and a founding Director of the Atlanta Poly Weekend conference. I can answer a few questions here from both personal experience and observations from within the community. First off, we tend to avoid the term polygamous due to both religious and legal connotations, and we avoid use of polyandrous and polygynous due to implications of gender inequality. We do not support forced marriage, or forcing anyone into a life that they do not willingly choose for themselves.
Some relevant personal background on me: I'm in a long term, stable MFM triad (male-female-male three person relationship). We own a house together, we raise kids together...we do everything a normal couple does, only there are three of us. To answer one of the early question, we are far more financially solvent together than we were apart. We've been able to buy a house together...something that we could not do separately. We are completely open about our relationships, and we are free to explore other relationships. We have no veto power over each other, but we do have some basic rules in place to ensure safety for everyone, and we always take each others advice and feelings under consideration. We also have to face the consequences and responsibility of bad decisions, which helps keep those bad decisions in check. If it sounds like a free-for-all of random sex and dating, it isn't. M (the female in the relationship) hasn't dated anyone else in quite some time, B (the other guy) is in one other relationship for about the past year that has never progressed past the coffee date phase, and I have my first outside date in about a year this weekend. We aren't theoretically opposed to non-committal sex (if it happens, it happens), but we aren't promiscuous, and it just isn't who we are or what we do. We do, however, recognize and embrace within ourselves the capacity for loving more than one person.
The three of us consider ourselves in a commitment on the level of marriage, socially and ethically. Legally however, it's quite sticky. The amount of documentation required to make sure that we all have legal standing for each other and the kids in as many situations as possible while not legally married is mind-boggling. We still don't have it all of it worked out. To answer the question of estates, IANAL, but the legally preferred way to handle that is through the establishment of a trust which owns all of the common property in lieu of individual ownership. If a relationship ends, there will be a way of dispersing property to the departing individual or individuals already established within the trust itself. This is legally binding and takes the work off of the courts beyond the execution of the terms of leaving trust. Some people will opt for an LLC instead since it's cheaper and easier to establish, but they are not built for this type of thing and it's much harder for an individual to get fair representation when leaving an LLC. These relationships being legally recognized, if not through marriage laws, then at least through domestic partnership laws, would take a lot of the legal pressures off and save everyone involved a lot of money, time, effort, and stress.
For the question of kids, which inevitably comes up, there's no evidence that this is bad for them. Anecdotally, our 7yo can't imagine any other way and feels sorry for kids that only have two parents. According to Dr. Elsabeth Sheff at Georgia State University, who studies this specifically, her attitude is common among kids of poly relationships, and has found that kids of poly relationships are just as well adjusted as any other kids.
As for the legislative hurdles, they are big. However, I don't think they're as big as what the LGBT community had to face, and we have the LGBT community themselves to thank for that. They've paved the way in opening people's minds to the non-traditional, and they've given us a fantastic model and toolkit to follow and use in our fight. We're just starting our fight, but I think in the next 10 years, we'll have softened things, and by 20 years, we'll be starting to see some real change in way that the LGBT community is currently seeing today.
Some relevant personal background on me: I'm in a long term, stable MFM triad (male-female-male three person relationship). We own a house together, we raise kids together...we do everything a normal couple does, only there are three of us. To answer one of the early question, we are far more financially solvent together than we were apart. We've been able to buy a house together...something that we could not do separately. We are completely open about our relationships, and we are free to explore other relationships. We have no veto power over each other, but we do have some basic rules in place to ensure safety for everyone, and we always take each others advice and feelings under consideration. We also have to face the consequences and responsibility of bad decisions, which helps keep those bad decisions in check. If it sounds like a free-for-all of random sex and dating, it isn't. M (the female in the relationship) hasn't dated anyone else in quite some time, B (the other guy) is in one other relationship for about the past year that has never progressed past the coffee date phase, and I have my first outside date in about a year this weekend. We aren't theoretically opposed to non-committal sex (if it happens, it happens), but we aren't promiscuous, and it just isn't who we are or what we do. We do, however, recognize and embrace within ourselves the capacity for loving more than one person.
The three of us consider ourselves in a commitment on the level of marriage, socially and ethically. Legally however, it's quite sticky. The amount of documentation required to make sure that we all have legal standing for each other and the kids in as many situations as possible while not legally married is mind-boggling. We still don't have it all of it worked out. To answer the question of estates, IANAL, but the legally preferred way to handle that is through the establishment of a trust which owns all of the common property in lieu of individual ownership. If a relationship ends, there will be a way of dispersing property to the departing individual or individuals already established within the trust itself. This is legally binding and takes the work off of the courts beyond the execution of the terms of leaving trust. Some people will opt for an LLC instead since it's cheaper and easier to establish, but they are not built for this type of thing and it's much harder for an individual to get fair representation when leaving an LLC. These relationships being legally recognized, if not through marriage laws, then at least through domestic partnership laws, would take a lot of the legal pressures off and save everyone involved a lot of money, time, effort, and stress.
For the question of kids, which inevitably comes up, there's no evidence that this is bad for them. Anecdotally, our 7yo can't imagine any other way and feels sorry for kids that only have two parents. According to Dr. Elsabeth Sheff at Georgia State University, who studies this specifically, her attitude is common among kids of poly relationships, and has found that kids of poly relationships are just as well adjusted as any other kids.
As for the legislative hurdles, they are big. However, I don't think they're as big as what the LGBT community had to face, and we have the LGBT community themselves to thank for that. They've paved the way in opening people's minds to the non-traditional, and they've given us a fantastic model and toolkit to follow and use in our fight. We're just starting our fight, but I think in the next 10 years, we'll have softened things, and by 20 years, we'll be starting to see some real change in way that the LGBT community is currently seeing today.
