Wanted my direction to make sense

[smax]

I was a Christian for about 25 years. I went to Church, studied the bible, and prayed often.

Problem was, I always felt like something wasn't right. I wanted to be committed to the cause, but deep down, I always questioned the validity of, well, the whole thing.

I thought studying the bible would help eleviate some of that doubt, but all it really did was create more. The more I searched for a loving and meaningful god, the more I found the opposite. I found a hateful, violent, and petty one. I also found that his book was filled with contradictions, scientific impossibilities, and a lack of even the smallest degree of credibility.

However, after years of fellowship and practice, I found walking away to be quite difficult. In fact, I pretended to be a christian for several years while trying to come to grips with my gradually changing perspective.

Eventually, I did in fact walk away, and I found it extremely liberating, as if a HUGE burden had finally been lifted.

Sure, I ran into opposition and experienced strained relationships with many of my peers. But to finally start thinking for myself and doing what I felt was right was well worth what I may of lost in the process.

I'm a husband and a father, as well as a true and reliable friend to many. I do not require the delusion of having the intervention of a higher power in order to be humane and basically good.

That's basically my story so far.