Check Expiration Date; Fresh Jews Only

[thesummerqueen]

http://heebmagazine.com/ultra-orthodox-j...resh/44421

Talk about flying the friendly skies… Redditor FinalSay posted this gem to the popular /r/Atheism subreddit this morning. He claims it’s an ultra-orthodox Jew who, when faced with the prospect of flying – and therefor risking physical contact – with women, opted to wrap himself in plastic to avoid the grave sin of touching a member of the opposite sex (God forbid!)

Nice try, FinalSay, but our experts at Heeb HQ have analyzed every pixel of your image, and have determined that this is merely a new vacuum sealing method designed by the Ultra-Orthodox to ensure that their Jews are delivered fresh, daily (There’s nothing worse than spoiled Jews. Ask any burned-out Hebrew school teacher).

I'm laughing myself into a snotting mess. Did that guy get protection advice from the Bush Administration?



My people. Ahh...my people.

The orthodox told the conservative and reform we weren't Jewish enough, and I say those fuckers should shout back "We aren't saran wrapping ourselves!" I'll just stay over here munching my bacon.