I think death is beautiful.

[Fruity]

It's easy to create an image of death when you haven't seen it coming. Recently I experienced the feeling of death around the corner when I got a call from my doc asking me to go to the clinic to talk about the tumors that had been found in different parts of my body. I went through hell. As I waited for certain results to come back, the ONLY thing I could think about was "what about my kids". I was surprised to discover my curiosity with death. It was an actual thing. The love of my kids was holding me from being ok with it. My kids need me, dammit. How would my oldest cope? How would he recover from the death of his momma? My doc was so cold and kept telling me, " If you came sooner when you first felt such and such" this and that. Well yes, but I didn't. After tests after tests and lots of "information", something is not looking right. Here I go through step one again and it seems someone either made a mistake or the thingamajiggers took a hike. I said I went through hell, right? I need to ask for my job back. Lol It's all good. My kids get to keep their momma longer, I get to watch them grow, and now I know something I didn't know before... when I think I'm going to die, what people think of me seems as unimportant as a pebble on top of a mountain. All that matters are my children. They say that the most common regret before death is caring of people's opinion so much that happiness was interrupted. I get to live! And fuck... I feel great.

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Oh and before any theists claim this could have been the god's doing: No. Many possible explanations have been offered to me, and in summary I have to say: shit happens. I am an atheist woman who would not give any fairy credit. I have no faith. There are babies with cancer who could be saved instead. No miracle here, just shit that happens. Either people messed up, or they messed up in another way. That's what happens when you are human.

Unless I am the god and don't know it yet.