The Toilet Seat Dilemma

[Clueless Morgan]

In Tokyo I saw a toilet with control panel that has 37 buttons. It has a lit LCD display with cute cartoon characters. It has a USB port. It plays music, and cancel unpleasant noises. There is a retractable probe with warm water squirt feature tasked with making sure one would never be called upon to offer an excuse for one's lack of diligence. The entire toilet seat elevates and tilts forward to help with the ingress and egress part of the nightly duty. The seat is even electrically warmed to ensure a lady is not rudely shocked awake by the cold as she sleep walks through her nightly convenience. Regretably, the toilet seat still does not automatically come down after a man is done.

So ladies, I am sorry, the god of toilets have spoken, and you are on your own.

Whenever I hear about heated toilet seats, I always think of that episode of the Simpson where Homer presses the button for a heated seat and a big ol' fat guy is lowered to the seat with his pants down and a magazine in his hands and he's like "Be ready in few minutes."

*shudder*

It's intensely weird when I sit on a toilet seat that's still warm from the previous user.