The Toilet Seat Dilemma

[Zazzy]

In Tokyo I saw a toilet with control panel that has 37 buttons. It has a lit LCD display with cute cartoon characters. It has a USB port. It plays music, and cancel unpleasant noises. There is a retractable probe with warm water squirt feature tasked with making sure one would never be called upon to offer an excuse for one's lack of diligence. The entire toilet seat elevates and tilts forward to help with the ingress and egress part of the nightly duty. The seat is even electrically warmed to ensure a lady is not rudely shocked awake by the cold as she sleep walks through her nightly convenience. Regretably, the toilet seat still does not automatically come down after a man is done.

You know that thread about what you would hypothetically spend a million US dollars on? This would be a good start.
Here's the link to buy a toilet seat like this.

At only $1600 (X the 3 toilets in my house) I'd have plenty left over for spider poison, a first edition set of Jane Austen novels, and a sapphire necklace.