Random (Exotic) Pet Thread
November 13, 2013 at 11:42 pm
(This post was last modified: November 14, 2013 at 12:03 am by Walking Void.)
I think it is time for another of my aimless threads to capture 1 of my stray thoughts before it escapes through the fence.
A pet thread! And maybe You thought that first sentence was a purposeful segue into a discussion about pets, but believe it or not I subconsciously made that animal-themed analogy without actively intending to do so...
Now, the theme of this thread is exotic pets. You do not have to own an exotic pet to gain admission (people like me barge in anyways). So let us talk about all sorts of exotic pets and maybe share what kind of pets You might be interested in keeping. "Dream pets", perhaps. But please try to be realistic. Tyrannosaurus Rex is not coming back. The dodo is not coming back (unless cloning is an option). Sorry to make You cry. An exotic pet can be any pet exotic to the individual. That means if You live in Australia, a pet crocodile is not anything new. Now, a house cat, hoo hoo is that ever exotic!!
Now instead of rambling, I am going to show You a list of animals I would consider having as pets, given the right conditions.
1: Ferrets.
![[Image: ferret.jpg]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=www.mrjohnsons.co.uk%2Fuploads%2Fsmall%2Fferret.jpg)
Ferrets are weasels. Ferrets are carnivores. Ferrets have no fear. Ferrets will come at You. They will come at your dogs, your cats, so hide your wife and hide your children. But ferrets are not plain old monsters (they are little monsters). Ferrets sleep for periods over 12 hours and are often active during the dark hours. Ferrets are domesticated! They have been used as rabbiters (I made that word up) to hunt rabbits. Ferrets will never back down from a challenge. A group of ferrets is called a business, and I am their CEO.
2: Green Iguanas.
![[Image: Figure1-GreenIguana-2.jpg]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=www.xromm.org%2Ffiles%2Fimages%2Fprojects%2Figuana-breathing%2FFigure1-GreenIguana-2.jpg)
Green iguanas are... iguanas (the genus). And iguanas are lizards. Green iguanas are vegetarians, basically that means they are not vegans. They have been observed eating birds eggs, like me. So if You have a salad You could not finish because You were too full... do not give it to the iguana. You probably have some sort of vinegar infused dressing on it, asshole. Iguanas do not want that shit on their veggies. They eat it raw, like me when I tried to drink an egg... and succeeded! It can grow to reach up to 1.5 meters. That means if You stretched 1 out lengthwise like some sick-hearted bastard and compared the measurement to the height of a 3rd grader... the green iguana would probably be taller, and more sophisticated. They are aquatic, and if You try to scare an iguana and it does not pull out a Smith and Wesson, it will try to escape and find a body of water to hide in. Green iguanas bob their heads to communicate. So if You tell it a funny joke, You are always funny to the iguana. They have a frill underneath their chin, and they use it to express emotion. What could be sexier than a neon lamp on your body?
3. Mudskippers.
![[Image: mudskipper-3.jpg]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=waabmicronesia.files.wordpress.com%2F2013%2F03%2Fmudskipper-3.jpg)
Mudskippers are gobies. Gobies are fish. I had some gobies once. They sucked. But mudskippers, they suck mud... and spit it out elsewhere. The difference between your uncle and a mudskipper is that mudskippers do this to prepare their own mud pits to live in. Your uncle does this to get attention. Mudskippers are amphibious. This means that they live on land and in the sea. Mudskippers can shut off their gill chambers while on land, this prevents their gills from drying up, similar to humans when scuba divers keep an oxygen supply to breath while underwater. These fish do it backwards. They can also jump about half a meter into the air, because they do not give a shit. Mudskippers are very social animals. When a rival male encroaches too close upon another male's burrow of mud, your uncle is not there to be the life of the party. Mudskippers are very territorial and will attack any competition. They will size each other up by gaping the biggest gape You have ever seen. If You saw these gapes at work You might get fired instantly. They also compete to court with females, often flexing their dorsal fin or headbutting. Mudskippers eat, travel, and court on land. They travel by water too, but so what? Their eyes are parabolic, and like a parascope on a submarine, they can see the world above without refracting light from water. Mudskippers use their treasured burrows as nests. And the female will lay her eggs in that burrow. If You ever trespass on their property, You might not live.
Here is a funny video about mudskippers:
What about You?
A pet thread! And maybe You thought that first sentence was a purposeful segue into a discussion about pets, but believe it or not I subconsciously made that animal-themed analogy without actively intending to do so...
Now, the theme of this thread is exotic pets. You do not have to own an exotic pet to gain admission (people like me barge in anyways). So let us talk about all sorts of exotic pets and maybe share what kind of pets You might be interested in keeping. "Dream pets", perhaps. But please try to be realistic. Tyrannosaurus Rex is not coming back. The dodo is not coming back (unless cloning is an option). Sorry to make You cry. An exotic pet can be any pet exotic to the individual. That means if You live in Australia, a pet crocodile is not anything new. Now, a house cat, hoo hoo is that ever exotic!!
Now instead of rambling, I am going to show You a list of animals I would consider having as pets, given the right conditions.
1: Ferrets.
Ferrets are weasels. Ferrets are carnivores. Ferrets have no fear. Ferrets will come at You. They will come at your dogs, your cats, so hide your wife and hide your children. But ferrets are not plain old monsters (they are little monsters). Ferrets sleep for periods over 12 hours and are often active during the dark hours. Ferrets are domesticated! They have been used as rabbiters (I made that word up) to hunt rabbits. Ferrets will never back down from a challenge. A group of ferrets is called a business, and I am their CEO.
2: Green Iguanas.
Green iguanas are... iguanas (the genus). And iguanas are lizards. Green iguanas are vegetarians, basically that means they are not vegans. They have been observed eating birds eggs, like me. So if You have a salad You could not finish because You were too full... do not give it to the iguana. You probably have some sort of vinegar infused dressing on it, asshole. Iguanas do not want that shit on their veggies. They eat it raw, like me when I tried to drink an egg... and succeeded! It can grow to reach up to 1.5 meters. That means if You stretched 1 out lengthwise like some sick-hearted bastard and compared the measurement to the height of a 3rd grader... the green iguana would probably be taller, and more sophisticated. They are aquatic, and if You try to scare an iguana and it does not pull out a Smith and Wesson, it will try to escape and find a body of water to hide in. Green iguanas bob their heads to communicate. So if You tell it a funny joke, You are always funny to the iguana. They have a frill underneath their chin, and they use it to express emotion. What could be sexier than a neon lamp on your body?
3. Mudskippers.
Mudskippers are gobies. Gobies are fish. I had some gobies once. They sucked. But mudskippers, they suck mud... and spit it out elsewhere. The difference between your uncle and a mudskipper is that mudskippers do this to prepare their own mud pits to live in. Your uncle does this to get attention. Mudskippers are amphibious. This means that they live on land and in the sea. Mudskippers can shut off their gill chambers while on land, this prevents their gills from drying up, similar to humans when scuba divers keep an oxygen supply to breath while underwater. These fish do it backwards. They can also jump about half a meter into the air, because they do not give a shit. Mudskippers are very social animals. When a rival male encroaches too close upon another male's burrow of mud, your uncle is not there to be the life of the party. Mudskippers are very territorial and will attack any competition. They will size each other up by gaping the biggest gape You have ever seen. If You saw these gapes at work You might get fired instantly. They also compete to court with females, often flexing their dorsal fin or headbutting. Mudskippers eat, travel, and court on land. They travel by water too, but so what? Their eyes are parabolic, and like a parascope on a submarine, they can see the world above without refracting light from water. Mudskippers use their treasured burrows as nests. And the female will lay her eggs in that burrow. If You ever trespass on their property, You might not live.
Here is a funny video about mudskippers:
What about You?
