(November 15, 2013 at 10:40 am)leodeo Wrote: I'm trying my best to keep faith in Atheism but deep down i still believe god exists but unless all the other theists i think he is a dick and gave me a cursed life.
forexample now im on disability and live all alone and all my old friends from highschool have amazing girlfriends and jobs and i dont think things will ever get better for me cuz im 24 and since 2009 they been only getting significantly worse each year, all i wanted in this life was a girlfriend and i know deep down i will never get one and im really really really wanting to just go to a garage with my car and kill myself with carbon monoxide, im so scared to do it, but at the same time i know thats teh only way to end my daily suffering.
i have nightmares, like i wake up several times in night just crying and it sucks.
and i feel like god screws me whenever bad stuff happens, and i try to hold true to atheism and say that science is the only truth in the world and if you cant see something then it doesnt exist, but i just cant stop beliving and thinking god is a dick and real, what should i do?
and before anyone says it, yes i been in therapy and medication for years, and therapists wont ever talk to me about theology or god cuz they say its out of their caliber and refer met o chaplains and chaplains just stuff more bs down my throat about how god loves me but cant make life better cuz we have free will... :S
i begin to wonder if my illness is god given or something that psychology cant help, because no medication seems to help and i been on several and i took em all consistently
and all therapists tell me to do is try to focus on one thing int he moment and take things slow, and I DO - but it doesnt stop my inner pain...
i even tried praying to god and asking what u want to make my pain stop- i tried volunterring more and stuff, but my life is still a goats dick.
1. Read bible and other books
2. Come to an conclusion
3. There you go.
Now you can identify with your name and be something you wish for, which is sweet
wish you luck pal
