Formerly Still Looking;
I will just cut to the quick and stop with the cliff hangers. ( your welcome. )
In late Nov. 2002 I suffered my first (severe) G.I. Bleed (1 of 3, so far).
I lost over half the blood in my body and spent 20 days in ICU, recieving about 10 units of blood, having surgery, and winding up coding...After being brought back to life I wound up with a heart bi-pass, and two stints, or coils in my femoral artery due to it's collapsing on me. I am now on permanent disability with a MESS of things wrong with my health.
Any way, it was while in the ICU that I was approached by a Chaplain making his rounds. I was so scared and depressed that all these things were happening to me at the age of 48, and so suddenly. He gave me a Bible and preached to me about believing and salvation, as well as God's power to heal. I read the Bible, and by mid-2003 I decided to become, not only a believer, but an active member of the church. I never do anything half-ass, and I submerged myself into this thing FULL BLAST.
By late 2003 I was baptized. I had created a communion, and relationship with Jesus. ( so I thaught ) As far as the Bible, I will give myself credit and say that I comprehended about 60% of it. The Old and New Testaments really differ, as do oppinions about God.
Now, I read other books as well, and always tried to balance out the rampings of the bible, and still couldn't make enough logical sense of it. A lot of things just didn't fit, and could not be squeezed in any where. Any time I questioned the preacher, I was ignored. I was made to feel like a Judas, or a Rebel in the congregation. I gave it my all, and poured my heart out to Jesus. I surrendered and found humility, and
STILL my life, and health got worse and worse. I understood that we all must suffer as Jesus did on the cross ( for us )...., but how much???
The only answer I ever got was God does everything for a reason, and everything for GOOD. God is Love. So I asked the preacher;" If God is so good, then why do I hurt so much?" His reply was the usual. Just accept things as they are. (God's will - Not mine. ) One day after deciding that my Dad was right all along, ( no one will take care of you but yourself )
I said to the preacher; " From now on I will just pray the following "
Thank you Lord for letting the world be so Fucked up, and allowing me to give you all the grace and glory, and gratitude for it!, AMEN!!! Well that sort of did it. I was soon one of the uninvited, if you know what I mean? This after almost 6 years of loyal service to God and church. ( Not to mention my money. ) At one point I even found myself thanking God for my heart surgery, Diabeties, and COPD, my GI bleeds and Neurapathy, calling all these things blessings from God, while the Preacher took his family to Hawaii on what he called a special mission to educated the heathens, and those that were still uncivilized in the region. (Church write off, of course. )
About a month or so ago ( I WOKE UP!!!!!!)
The small congregation was lining up for communion that Sunday, and I just couldn't do it anymore. I had already found too many things wrong with the writtings of the Bible, and the Preaching of a few pastures as well as the hypocrits in the congregation. All I could do was sit there and of all things remember the song, and video ( Another Brick In The Wall ) by Pink Floyd. I said to myself;" I have to get out of here, and out of line before I fall into the meat grinder, and so I did. They cared so much about me and all I had done, that I have yet to hear from one of those believers, and wonderful Christians.
Of course there is a lot more to it but I put it in a nut shell, I'll be writting more stuff later...
Thanks, SeeYa later.............
I will just cut to the quick and stop with the cliff hangers. ( your welcome. )
In late Nov. 2002 I suffered my first (severe) G.I. Bleed (1 of 3, so far).
I lost over half the blood in my body and spent 20 days in ICU, recieving about 10 units of blood, having surgery, and winding up coding...After being brought back to life I wound up with a heart bi-pass, and two stints, or coils in my femoral artery due to it's collapsing on me. I am now on permanent disability with a MESS of things wrong with my health.
Any way, it was while in the ICU that I was approached by a Chaplain making his rounds. I was so scared and depressed that all these things were happening to me at the age of 48, and so suddenly. He gave me a Bible and preached to me about believing and salvation, as well as God's power to heal. I read the Bible, and by mid-2003 I decided to become, not only a believer, but an active member of the church. I never do anything half-ass, and I submerged myself into this thing FULL BLAST.
By late 2003 I was baptized. I had created a communion, and relationship with Jesus. ( so I thaught ) As far as the Bible, I will give myself credit and say that I comprehended about 60% of it. The Old and New Testaments really differ, as do oppinions about God.
Now, I read other books as well, and always tried to balance out the rampings of the bible, and still couldn't make enough logical sense of it. A lot of things just didn't fit, and could not be squeezed in any where. Any time I questioned the preacher, I was ignored. I was made to feel like a Judas, or a Rebel in the congregation. I gave it my all, and poured my heart out to Jesus. I surrendered and found humility, and
STILL my life, and health got worse and worse. I understood that we all must suffer as Jesus did on the cross ( for us )...., but how much???
The only answer I ever got was God does everything for a reason, and everything for GOOD. God is Love. So I asked the preacher;" If God is so good, then why do I hurt so much?" His reply was the usual. Just accept things as they are. (God's will - Not mine. ) One day after deciding that my Dad was right all along, ( no one will take care of you but yourself )
I said to the preacher; " From now on I will just pray the following "
Thank you Lord for letting the world be so Fucked up, and allowing me to give you all the grace and glory, and gratitude for it!, AMEN!!! Well that sort of did it. I was soon one of the uninvited, if you know what I mean? This after almost 6 years of loyal service to God and church. ( Not to mention my money. ) At one point I even found myself thanking God for my heart surgery, Diabeties, and COPD, my GI bleeds and Neurapathy, calling all these things blessings from God, while the Preacher took his family to Hawaii on what he called a special mission to educated the heathens, and those that were still uncivilized in the region. (Church write off, of course. )
About a month or so ago ( I WOKE UP!!!!!!)
The small congregation was lining up for communion that Sunday, and I just couldn't do it anymore. I had already found too many things wrong with the writtings of the Bible, and the Preaching of a few pastures as well as the hypocrits in the congregation. All I could do was sit there and of all things remember the song, and video ( Another Brick In The Wall ) by Pink Floyd. I said to myself;" I have to get out of here, and out of line before I fall into the meat grinder, and so I did. They cared so much about me and all I had done, that I have yet to hear from one of those believers, and wonderful Christians.
Of course there is a lot more to it but I put it in a nut shell, I'll be writting more stuff later...
Thanks, SeeYa later.............
