It really scares me.

[Whateverist]

Sounds like you've convinced yourself which one you like best.

That's like saying you convinced yourself of atheism because you don't like the idea of God existing.

I can certainly understand why you'd like to think our situations are parallel. Unfortunately they're not. By choosing Christianity from among all possible religions and whatever snake-handling, tongue-babbling denomination you prefer you've had to convince yourself of a great many things. I merely remain unconvinced by everything on the menu. No thanks.