I figured it out. It's all so simple. We use the movies Independence Day and Event Horizon as a scientific guide for our journey out of the solar system. First, we hijack one of the many alien ships currently flying around our planet. If we have to, we either wait for one to crash in some desert or hire Will Smith to chase one down in an F-15. We then torture the aliens at Abu Ghraib Prison until they agree to show us how to jump through worm holes.
We then put the aliens on display in a public zoo to make piles of money off of their misery and make Laurence Fishburne our new kick-ass worm-hole space captain. Once we've figured out how to travel through space we will land on that planet and give it a generic name like Earth ... maybe we can call it Dirt. After we've murdered all the indigenous people of that planet we can move right in and immediately begin squabbling over which nation gets what part. Obviously, we'll need to have a major world war to decide which Earth nation gets which portion of Dirt but I'm sure in doing so, the rich white people will end up on top regardless.
Once we've settled on into our nice neat little divided countries, we can begin to really exploit the planet the way we have this one. We can immediately begin mining fossil fuels and building an absolutely ungodly amount of carbon emitting super corporations that make nothing but nuclear weapons, SUVs and bio warfare chemicals. We will of course continue ignoring any harm done to the natural habitat and make sure that we act concerned while we do nothing about rampant global warming. Now that we've had earth to practice on, I think it'll take a relatively small amount of time to move in, crush the natives, start some wars, poison the water, kill the wildlife, heat up the planet, cut down the rainforest, burn down ....... meh, you know what ....
Fuck it ... lets just save a lot of time and nuke it from here.
We then put the aliens on display in a public zoo to make piles of money off of their misery and make Laurence Fishburne our new kick-ass worm-hole space captain. Once we've figured out how to travel through space we will land on that planet and give it a generic name like Earth ... maybe we can call it Dirt. After we've murdered all the indigenous people of that planet we can move right in and immediately begin squabbling over which nation gets what part. Obviously, we'll need to have a major world war to decide which Earth nation gets which portion of Dirt but I'm sure in doing so, the rich white people will end up on top regardless.
Once we've settled on into our nice neat little divided countries, we can begin to really exploit the planet the way we have this one. We can immediately begin mining fossil fuels and building an absolutely ungodly amount of carbon emitting super corporations that make nothing but nuclear weapons, SUVs and bio warfare chemicals. We will of course continue ignoring any harm done to the natural habitat and make sure that we act concerned while we do nothing about rampant global warming. Now that we've had earth to practice on, I think it'll take a relatively small amount of time to move in, crush the natives, start some wars, poison the water, kill the wildlife, heat up the planet, cut down the rainforest, burn down ....... meh, you know what ....
Fuck it ... lets just save a lot of time and nuke it from here.
![[Image: Evolution.png]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i1118.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fk619%2Fjcincain%2FPublic%2FEvolution.png)
