I wish to feel superior to reality (atheism)

[FatAndFaithless]

I wish to feel superior to reality by embracing fantasy and feeling empowered by fantasy as well as through the delusion that there is a God and an afterlife. But my intelligence (atheism) has prevented me from being this person I want to be. Which is why I hate such intelligence and view fantasy and feelings of pleasure as superior. All that matters in life to me is embracing feelings of pleasure from god-like fantasy which would make me a mystical god-like being who is superior to reality (so to speak, not literally speaking). So all that matters to me is being a superior god-like being in a sense and ending all things inferior in my life. To me, struggles in life, depression, and the fact that there is no God or afterlife are all inferior things to me and must die. So by believing in a God and an afterlife, I would have "killed" this inferior concept of there being no God and afterlife in a sense (including any feelings of depression as well). Feeling empowered and that I'm all great is the only thing that matters to me in life (not in comparison to other people, but in comparison to myself and reality itself).