I wish to feel superior to reality (atheism)

[Mozart Link]

Mozart Link, I am also an anime fan (as you can in fact see from my Roy Mustang avatar), however I think it's very important for us to distinguish clearly between fantasy and reality. When I watch anime, my mind gets into a world of dreams, fantasy and supernatural powers/events, but I turn those thoughts off as soon as I finish an episode. B sides, I don't even think the most important part of anime are supernatural unreal powers and fights, but the lessons, principles and ethical/moral values you can learn from series, many of them apply to real life. The same can happen with fantasy films, let's say Harry Potter or the Lord of the Rings trilogy, many people wish they were true, but reality is a cold hearted bitch and doesn't care about what we want. It's ok to get into a fantasy wishful thinking world of dreams while watching anime or even playing video games, as long as you unplug it once you are treating real life affairs like I do. Moreover, I think anime supported my atheism and not the opposite, just consider Japan is a significantly atheist country and many manga writers or series producers/editors/directors are atheists too, and they can distinguish between the written stories of fantasy and real life.

When my brain matured and I started being more aware of reality, in a certain way I felt like you, I even got depressed when I realized we are just a bunch of chemicals and biological/psychological processes with a tiny, insignificant existence in the whole universe context. However, as time goes by, I get more relaxed thinking about it and it doesn't bother me anymore, I'm happy embracing reality, because Man should be able to face the truth, no matter how painful it may be. Maybe theists have a certain hope because they believe they'll go to heaven and be rewarded, but IMO the negative aspects of theism and religion fiercely outstand the good ones.

I hope this was helpful

I am a person who is attached to fantasy no matter what and I wish to use that in composing music. I wish to compose music that has a fantasy-like feel. So, in a sense, I would have made this reality the living fantasy I want by living a life of composing the music I want and such and not living a life of what reality wants me to be (which would be having struggles of depression that take away my feelings of pleasure towards fantasy as well as having the attitude and such of a normal person who is accepting of the fact that there is no God and no afterlife and that fantasy is just a delusion and that reality is what needs to be accepted and lived by). I wish to live the way I want and have the attitude I want and pursue that in composing music.

But I now have anhedonia which has taken away all feelings of pleasure which now makes me even more unaccepting and hateful towards reality for taking away who I want to be and the life I want to live.