Conflicted, Life Has No Inherent Meaning But I Want to Adopt One

[Lek]

Sounds like you're suffering from a serious case of clinical depression. Obviously you're tried anti-depressants and have even been the hospital. The hospital stays have probably led to counselling. Unfortunately, there's a limit to what modern medicine can do to help you with your problem. Things that work for some don't work for others. If you've never suffered from clinical depression or an anxiety, what I'm going to say might make no sense to you., but you have you might get it. Never give up trying to find a way to overcome your situation, but there is also benefit to be had from recognizing and accepting that you have a problem with depression. With that in mind, try to face life situations the way you know you should rather than the way you feel at the time. Today you may feel like life is not worth living, but try to lock that felling in a box and rather [/b]act[b] in the way that you know is the right way to go even if it is counter to your feelings. This may be seem to be a simplistic analogy for a serious problem, but it's kind of similar to being a diabetic and dying for a candy bar. You know that you shouldn't eat the candy bar, but it's in your nature to want it. You realize that it would be better not to eat it, so even though your feelings tell you to eat it, you follow common sense and don't. If you know that your depression is giving you an unreal view of life, then purposely act counter to it. You're young and have a long life ahead of you, so you can make changes. Don't give up. I wish you the best.