Just some rubbish, but this is MY God's gospel, so READ or you will be d---ned
August 7, 2010 at 8:25 pm
AN APPLE A DAY
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Eve: God, why did you create the apple when I am not supposed to eat that?
God: To test your faith and your ability to follow orders blindly.
Eve: God, did you create the serpent that goaded me into eating the apple?
God: Ugh... no, I had nothing to do with creating the disgusting creature, which is nothing but the embodiment of all evil.
Eve: Then God, if you are the master of all creation, who created the snake?
God: How in heaven would I know? And what's that tone supposed to mean? ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY OMNIPOTENCE?
Eve: Of course not God. I was asking a question.
God: You pay attention to me and pay it hard. I am the creator of everything. I designed everything. It took me 6 days. I had to rest on the seventh day. and this means the snake is not everything. If it's not everything I don't know what it is. It is just evil. I didn't create evil.
Eve: Is it true that you made us human beings out of your own image? How did you do that God?
God: I hired a scientist to clone me.
Eve: Is that so? God, did you create the scientist?
God: No, no, he's evil too, the scientist. He claims that he evolved from a slime that created itself 4 billion years ago on the earth.
Eve: God, did the scientist create you as well?
God: Nah, he's not capable of blind faith, which is required to create me.
Eve: Then who created you God?
God: The bloody scientist has no theory as to who created me. Whenever I visit him, he refuses to see me saying there's no evidence for my existence. So, I don't know how I came into existence. God, if only I knew who created me, then I will meet him and kill him for the job he has given me. I am sick of answering all these questions. I stand right before the scientist and he passes through me as if I were a ghost.
Eve: Oh, why is that God? Can't you just appear before him so that he realizes you are there?
God: Oh he cannot see me with his filthy ape-eyes, can he? He needs evangelical vision. And he hasn't got that.
Eve: And what is evangelical vision God?
God: To have evangelical vision a man needs to close his eyes. Stop his ears. He should be lobotomized. Only his lips should be open. I pour what is called a "BLIND BELIEF" concoction into his mouth. And then I feed him dogma by giving him a barium enema. If he doesn't believe in God then, I threaten him with another barium enema. If he doesn't budge, then I threaten him with the ultimate weapon. I tell him I will give him a "you will burn in hell" enema. Eventually he believes. And then the gospel (or is it the enema) comes out of his throat and lips and he's filled with a great desire to impart gospel to others. The best part is I dont have to do it myself. Ugh.... I have my disciples, the religious priests to do it. Oh, but how I hate them. Sometimes they exaggerate. I did not kill all the people in Sodom or was it Gotham city? And I did not cause the flood. Spiderman or batman did it and I had to take the blame.
Eve: I see, I hear that your message is one of love God. Isn't it possible to simply give everyone the evangelical vision without having to give er.. the barium enema or destroying a city since you are OMNIPOTENT?
God: Eve, you have started reasoning now. Didn't I tell you all reasoning is blasphemous. Just believe that I have to give barium enema for evangelical vision.
Eve: God, why is Adam better than me and why do I have to obey him?
God: Because he is a man. Man is my best creation. Females are inferior.
Eve: God, why is it that all your creation is not men?
God: If that were so, how will procreation happen?
Eve: Couldn't you clone yourself again for procreation?
God: I had to pay a million dollars for the scientist to clone me to create Adam. And then I had to hush up the fact that I visited a scientist by giving him another million. I am broke already. Now why do I have to answer all these questions? Is this a courtroom. Leave me alone. Remember - JUST BELIEVE. DON'T QUESTION.
Eve: God, God, wait a minute... I have one last question - are you immortal?
God is gone. He is nowhere to be seen. Eve goes away in search of Adam biting another juicy apple.
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Eve: God, why did you create the apple when I am not supposed to eat that?
God: To test your faith and your ability to follow orders blindly.
Eve: God, did you create the serpent that goaded me into eating the apple?
God: Ugh... no, I had nothing to do with creating the disgusting creature, which is nothing but the embodiment of all evil.
Eve: Then God, if you are the master of all creation, who created the snake?
God: How in heaven would I know? And what's that tone supposed to mean? ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY OMNIPOTENCE?
Eve: Of course not God. I was asking a question.
God: You pay attention to me and pay it hard. I am the creator of everything. I designed everything. It took me 6 days. I had to rest on the seventh day. and this means the snake is not everything. If it's not everything I don't know what it is. It is just evil. I didn't create evil.
Eve: Is it true that you made us human beings out of your own image? How did you do that God?
God: I hired a scientist to clone me.
Eve: Is that so? God, did you create the scientist?
God: No, no, he's evil too, the scientist. He claims that he evolved from a slime that created itself 4 billion years ago on the earth.
Eve: God, did the scientist create you as well?
God: Nah, he's not capable of blind faith, which is required to create me.
Eve: Then who created you God?
God: The bloody scientist has no theory as to who created me. Whenever I visit him, he refuses to see me saying there's no evidence for my existence. So, I don't know how I came into existence. God, if only I knew who created me, then I will meet him and kill him for the job he has given me. I am sick of answering all these questions. I stand right before the scientist and he passes through me as if I were a ghost.
Eve: Oh, why is that God? Can't you just appear before him so that he realizes you are there?
God: Oh he cannot see me with his filthy ape-eyes, can he? He needs evangelical vision. And he hasn't got that.
Eve: And what is evangelical vision God?
God: To have evangelical vision a man needs to close his eyes. Stop his ears. He should be lobotomized. Only his lips should be open. I pour what is called a "BLIND BELIEF" concoction into his mouth. And then I feed him dogma by giving him a barium enema. If he doesn't believe in God then, I threaten him with another barium enema. If he doesn't budge, then I threaten him with the ultimate weapon. I tell him I will give him a "you will burn in hell" enema. Eventually he believes. And then the gospel (or is it the enema) comes out of his throat and lips and he's filled with a great desire to impart gospel to others. The best part is I dont have to do it myself. Ugh.... I have my disciples, the religious priests to do it. Oh, but how I hate them. Sometimes they exaggerate. I did not kill all the people in Sodom or was it Gotham city? And I did not cause the flood. Spiderman or batman did it and I had to take the blame.
Eve: I see, I hear that your message is one of love God. Isn't it possible to simply give everyone the evangelical vision without having to give er.. the barium enema or destroying a city since you are OMNIPOTENT?
God: Eve, you have started reasoning now. Didn't I tell you all reasoning is blasphemous. Just believe that I have to give barium enema for evangelical vision.
Eve: God, why is Adam better than me and why do I have to obey him?
God: Because he is a man. Man is my best creation. Females are inferior.
Eve: God, why is it that all your creation is not men?
God: If that were so, how will procreation happen?
Eve: Couldn't you clone yourself again for procreation?
God: I had to pay a million dollars for the scientist to clone me to create Adam. And then I had to hush up the fact that I visited a scientist by giving him another million. I am broke already. Now why do I have to answer all these questions? Is this a courtroom. Leave me alone. Remember - JUST BELIEVE. DON'T QUESTION.
Eve: God, God, wait a minute... I have one last question - are you immortal?
God is gone. He is nowhere to be seen. Eve goes away in search of Adam biting another juicy apple.
