New here and pretty depressed (Kinda long)

[robvalue]

Hiya Krystal, welcome Thank you for telling your story.

It is a common desire for their to be some sort of higher power. When looked at entirely scientifically, life can seem pointless. But then the fact that this life is probably all we will ever have can be a motivating factor. There's no need to worry about things on a universal scale. Everything you do matters to you and those around you. It's act now, or never, cosmically speaking. If instead life continued endlessly, this life would have far less meaning to me; there would be no urgency to experience anything.

I suffer from severe depression too, you have my sympathy. With regard to visions of God and hearing "you have to have faith", my guess would be that these are reflections of aspects of religions you've been surrounded in. If instead "believing through your fingers" (whatever that may mean) was the popular religious message, then I would guess you'd have heard that instead. It's the same with near death experiences and such, they almost always tend to include details from the mythology that has surrounded the person, even if they don't believe in it.

My best advice, especially towards tackling depression, is to try and focus on other people. See if there are ways you can help people more. Maybe it could be through volunteering, finding worthy causes online, or just being there for others. I have found this to be one of the few things that gives me any real satisfaction anymore. Everyone else just has this one life, so helping them is a brilliant thing to do, and taking the focus away from yourself may help you.

It seems you're too scientifically minded to fall for any of the crap, even though you want to. Maybe that's another option, to pursue logical areas such as science or mathematics? Fact is, we don't know if there's anything else. There could be, but we have no way of knowing yet. So all we can do is try and make the best of the only life we're sure we will have.

I hope you stick around, and that speaking to us lot will help you feel a little better